4.15.2014

H is for Hole

David Bazan is one of my favorite songwriters. His songs are both masculine and vulnerable and have this confessional quality to them that makes it easy to connect with his lyrics. In 1997, his band Pedro the Lion released an EP called Whole that is still among the most played music in my collection.

There's a thematic feel to the EP - to fix what's broken, to fill an emptiness. In Nothing, he sings of not fitting in within rules and ideals and instead finding your own way. Fix and Almost There both deal with struggles of a recovering addict. I put the song Lullaby on both Zu's and Christian's MP3 player; it's a sweet song of finding healing through hurt. It's one of the songs I sang to them when they were little, replacing Bazan's name with theirs.

"Rest in me little David
And dry all your tears
You can lay down your armor
And have no fear
'Cause I'm always here
When you're tired of running
I'm all the strength that you need"

Through and through, the EP is a man desperately seeking wholeness.

But H is for "hole," right? Not Whole. That brings me to the title track. For one seeking to be whole, there's a recognition of a hole in our lives. To be whole, that hole needs filled.

And that's where I'm at. I've been listening to this EP a lot recently. "Mr Hole Fixin' Man, you fixed my friend can you fix me? ... I'm as broken as a boy can be, so how about fixing me?"



It's not just me. While I'm experiencing this process of holes being fixed, I'm seeing it in lives around me too. It's a beautiful thing. If you're in the process of healing too, celebrate it. I am. And I would love to celebrate it with you.

4.14.2014

G is for Good Times

I took the kids to the park this weekend to play and go for a walk. While there we watch the ducks and took a bunch of pictures. And this conversation happened.

Zu: "Look, it's a mommy duck and a daddy duck. They're swimming together."
Christian: "That's because it's mating season. Right Dad?"
Me: "It is."
JJ: "What's mating?"
Me: " ... "
Me: "Uh, that's how mommy ducks and daddy ducks make baby ducklings."
Zu: "No Dad, ducks make eggs."

Well, technically she is correct. After that little science lesson we had a good time. And last night I discovered that we can walk to Riverstone with only one street crossing. That will be a great activity with the kids this summer.

Here are some of the highlights of our good time. First the ducks.


Christian was hoping that the mallard in that second picture was laying an egg. They refused to walk away until they knew if or if not a baby duck was on the way.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of Christian.



Some of my favorites of Zu.



And finally, the best shots of JJ.



JJ is a ham but he's a tough one to pin down long enough for a snapshot. But I won't complain. When he plays nicely with his siblings, it's a beautiful thing.

As for me, I spent most of the afternoon trying to keep up with them. More often than not my view was like this: watching them run off to play tag, chase ducks, or splash in the water.

We had a good time. And at the end of the day, I can confidently say that I have three of the greatest kids on this planet.

4.13.2014

F is for Flipper

Several years ago, I met a guy named Flipper. That probably wasn't his real name, but it's the one he used when he introduced himself. It's what everyone called him. For the short time he and I hung out, he was one of the most memorable persons I have ever met.

Flipper was a big guy. He was six foot tall with a chunky build. And he was Chinese. But those two characteristics were not his most noticeable attributes. What made him stand out was his long multi-colored hair.

Aside from his nationality, his imposing height, and his unconventional hairstyle, Flipper found another way to be memorable. He possessed a personality that was bigger than his appearance. He was loud, but not obnoxious. He gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. He had a joke for almost any situation. Something about him was magnetic. Where his looks might have intimidated, his smile and laugh attracted people. He was also a hugger. He loved hugging people. It was his way of saying "hi."

There's no real reason that the two of us should have ever connected. Me, the scrawny white kid from a suburb to the rural north. Him, the six foot tall Chinese kid from Seattle proper. His family had money. My family was poor. His apartment had a view of the Kingdome. My house had a view of the four way stop at 51st and 80th. He could smell the Puget Sound from his high school. My high school smelled like cow pies. Yet, for some inexplicable reason - he and I became friends.

I had just turned 16 and was getting ready to start my junior year of high school. He was almost 18 and facing his senior year. Despite our differences, we both had the same taste in music. We also had the same taste in girls. We had a lot to talk about.

There were a few things I learned during our brief friendship. I learned that his boisterous and optimistic composure was really a mask to hide something more painful. While his smile was genuine, behind it laid a sadness that he was never willing to explain. The various colors in his hair was his interpretation of a clown.

We kept in touch for a few months and then lost contact. There are few individuals from my past that haunt my memories. Not often do I wonder what became of those friends I've lost. Flipper is one of those people. And today is one of those days where I thought about his fate.

I wonder because Flipper's opportunities were endless. He was likable and amiable. He was smart and a little daring. If Flipper was a character in a movie, he would be the goofy yet endearing type - the kind you hope receives a happy ending. Unfortunately, If fear the most tragic of possibilities were far more probable. I hope I'm wrong.

18 years. I have no idea where Flipper is today. I could not predict where his life brought him. But every now and then I wonder, and I hope it's the best.

4.06.2014

E is for Encouragement

For a long time, I've existed in a bubble with minimal encouragement. The person responsible for this is me. I don't blame anyone else for this state of isolation. I've made certain choices to bring myself to that place. But things have begun to change and it is refreshing beyond anything that I could describe.

Last fall, one of the pastors at my church caught me in the lobby and told me, "There is a place for you here." Since then, I have become involved with his team and ministry.

In February, a writer I deeply respect and admire was talking to me about this blog. He said that I was one of the few that could truly write. He then surprised me by telling me that when he sees me post something, he pays attention. +2 for confidence.

A few weeks ago, a friend introduced me to his wife and in the process described me as "the Swiss Army knife of the worship team."

Little moments. Realistically, nothing more than passing comments with little thought to their effect.

There's a funny fact about language. Words have power. We grew up with the adage that sticks and stones can break bones but the other half of the saying is a lie. Words hurt. I know. I grew up with the sting of nasty and spiteful remarks that left deep wounds that have only recently begun to heal. Yet, whatever power words have to tear down and destroy, they also have the strength to lift up, to renew, to breathe hope, and shine light in the darkest places.

The three people I mentioned above? That's what they did. They may have only offered a heartfelt compliment. They might have thought their words were inconsequential. Regardless of their intention, the result was the brightest light in the darkness of my life. They spoke life where I needed it. They encouraged me to breathe a little deeper and walk a little taller.

But encouragement isn't just emotional boost for the encouraged, it's healing for the encourager too. In the process of rediscovering the man I used to be, I've challenged myself to be a ninja encourager. I am finding little ways each day to encourage someone to keep trying, to let someone know that they're valued or important, to drop otherwise inconsequential compliments. I don't know what affect my words will have in their lives, but I can testify to the impact in my life.

Truth is, I'm a flawed individual. My melancholic disposition isn't typically adept at seeing the good in all things. An odd thing happens when someone like me makes efforts to compliment and encourage others. The act forces you to look at the brighter side of life. It makes you see the best in others. You begin to see opportunities for joy. Do it often enough and it becomes habit forming. Second nature.

When you always look on the bright side of life (admit it you're whistling that song), optimism is easier. You feel more comfortable in your own skin. You become more content in all situations. +2 for mental health.

Give it a try. Find someone that you can encourage today. And if you're the type that would prefer to send that encouragement through the mail, a friend of mine has hand-made cards for just that occasion. Check out her site.

For those of you who natural encouragers, congratulations. People like you have been a blessing in my life the past few months. Thank you. This world needs more like you.

4.04.2014

D is for Dreams

Dream big. Do it. It's worth it. Don't let anyone smash your dreams.

I've had enough dream killers in my life, so I am consciously making an effort not to be that person to my kids. They want to aim for the stars, I'm shopping for rocket fuel.

But it's not easy. In fact, it's not my natural disposition. My inner me wants to be a critic. To play devil's advocate. To say, 'that's silly.' To dismiss. Being the encourager of dreams means that I'm going against my inclinations. It means I'm having to change some habits.

My oldest son once told me that he wanted to be a pastor, an artist, and the president. He put the emphasis on the word 'and.' As in, if he couldn't be a pastor or an artist, then the option for being president was eliminated. Honestly, if anyone could do all three of those at the same time, it would be my kid.

Ask Zu what she wants to be when she grows up, she'll tell you she wants to be a horseback rider. Great - that is a fantastic dream that I can get behind. I'll cheer her on endlessly to achieve that dream.

So far, that's easy. When your kids have plausible dreams - even ones that border on audacious, supporting those dreams is basic. Minimal effort required.

JJ, on the other hand, not so easy.

There comes a point when every rational thought in my being wants to tell people that there should be a point when you must stop dreaming. You want to be an astronaut? Well, they shut down NASA but that's a worthy dream. You want to ride a surfboard around the rings of Saturn? Whoa there toughie... you and I need to have a talk about making your dreams a little more realistic.

And that's where JJ is redefining what I consider to be a realistic dream. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

A while back, JJ told me, "I want to be Iron Man when I grow up." I've shared this story before, but his reply to me is essential to the spirit of anyone who considers themselves a dreamer.

JJ said, "I want to be Iron Man when I grow up."
"Well, the first thing you'll need to do is get very very rich." I replied.
Without any thought to the challenges in my instruction, he simply answered, "OK."

As if becoming very very rich was something that is commonplace. So easy a caveman could do it. If you want to be Iron Man, first get filthy stinking rich. And he shrugged it off. Sure, no problem. I'll get started now. He won me over. I'll be front and center at his press conference when he tells the world, "I am Iron Man."

So dream. Even if it is ridiculous or impossible. Do it anyways. It's worth it.

4.03.2014

C is for Chuck/Charlie/Charles

One of the members of my D&B group posts a #fivethings challenge almost every day asking us to list of five answers to various questions. Five favorite candies. Five most influential people. Five favorite quotes. That kind of thing.

A couple of weeks ago, the challenge was to name your five favorite fictional characters. I listed mine without much thought to a pattern. It was there though, and I didn't notice it until someone else pointed it out. Three of my five were named Charles - or some derivative of that name. Digging deeper, I recognize more Charles, Chucks, and Charlies that land in the list of my favorite fictional characters. They are as follows.

Charlie Bucket from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I've adored this story as long as I can remember. There's so much hope: the impoverished kid winning the chance of a lifetime through a stroke of luck? We all dream of opportunities like that. But more than being lucky, Charlie deserved this break. He was a good kid, and perhaps the most noble of all of the characters - including Mr. Wonka.

Chuck Bartowski (AKA Charles Carmichael) from Chuck. There are so many things that this show got right. The culture of big-box electronics retailers. The customers. The staff. The geekery. As a former Best Buy employee, that show constantly reminded me of days past. Except when they were fighting spies and blowing stuff up. That never happened at my store.

Charles Xavier (AKA Professor X): The leader of the X-Men was my fictional sensei. A mind reading Mr. Miyagi that looked like Mr. Clean. Through the comic books and the cartoon series, there was no doubt that Professor X was the smartest guy in the room. Yet he never lorded that superior knowledge over anyone. He was compassionate and endlessly forgiving. Qualities I always wanted, even without superpowers.

Charlie Brown from Peanuts. He was me. Insecure, melancholic, and awkward around girls. But also a champion for those that kept trying in the face of ongoing failure.

Charlie Pace from LOST. Charlie's story is one of the most heartbreaking in LOST. I might have cried when he died. But his story is that of redemption. A rock star by choice, a one-hit wonder by the nature of the recording industry. He was a heroin addict when the plane crashes. There he sobered up, rekindled his music dreams, became a surrogate father to a baby born on the island, and finally sacrificed himself to save his friends. One of my favorite scenes in all of TV history is him sitting on the beach with Rose. He was distraught and depressed. Rose sought to comfort him and told him, "It's a fine line between denial and faith. It's much better on my side." He asked Rose for help, but she prayed with him instead, knowing that there wasn't anything she could do. They struck the balance between loss and hope so perfectly.

Charlie Gordon from Flowers for Algernon. There is a bittersweet tone to Flowers. The sadness of Charlie's low IQ at the beginning of the story, his gained and lost love for Miss Kinnian, the realization that his friends were only interested in mocking him, the mouse's death, Charlie's realization that his intelligence will not last, the reversion back to being dimwitted yet knowing that he was once smart. There isn't a happy ending, but rather a challenging conclusion. This book was one of the more important stories I read while growing up.

Did I miss any? What's a good Charles that I've overlooked?

4.02.2014

B is for Books

At the beginning of the year, several of the fabulous folks I follow on Twitter posted a challenge called The Empty Shelf Challenge. The idea is to empty off a bookshelf, as you finish reading a book, add it to the shelf. Hopefully, by the end of 2014, the shelf is full.

Well, I don't have any empty shelves in my house, but I have been reading. Three full months in and I think I've read as much now as I did in all of last year. What have I read so far?

Completed:
Blood Gospel by James Rollins and Rebecca Cantrell
City of Screams by James Rollins and Rebecca Cantrell
Alice in Deadland by Mainak Dhar
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl*
The Breach by Patrick Lee
Pirate Latitudes by Michael Crichton
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

Currently reading:
The Next Christians: The Good News About the End of Christian America by Gabe Lyons
Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
The Complete Tales by Beatrix Potter*
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien+

Next up:
How People Change by Timothy S. Lane and Paul David Tripp
Zoo by James Patterson

*Read/am reading with the kids
+Read/am reading with Christian

4.01.2014

A is for Awesome

Why awesome?
Because this is my 1000th post. That's a huge milestone, especially for a part time blogger like me. That's a lot of words.

Why awesome?
Because doing this for nearly nine years has improved my skill. I'm a much better writer today than I was nine years ago.

Why awesome?
Since re-branding this blog as The Faithful Geek, I've given myself an identity. I'm being true to my nerd roots and starting to find my tribe - something that is essential for all writers.

Why awesome?
Because I finally feel confident enough to describe myself as a writer.


To be honest, I didn't know what I was doing when I launched this blog. The first title was just Random Thoughts. It wasn't pretty. I started it for one reason: a coworker was doing it and I had that Cranberries moment of 'Everybody else is doing it, so why not me?'

Along the way, I learned some basic HTML, got connected with some other local bloggers through Hucks Online, and improved my typing speed. At some point, I added the words Rants and Raves before the existing title of Random Thoughts thinking that it fit my OOOH Shiny personality a little better. As I continued, I considered this to be an ongoing love letter to my kids so that they could someday look back when I'm no longer around and know what kind of man I was. I considered this an opportunity for my parents to keep track of what was going on in my life so that they didn't have to stalk me on facebook. I considered this to be nothing more than a place for me to get my thoughts out of my head. A creative outlet.

Then something happened. I wrote about Bricks and Springs. For the first time, I felt like I truly had something to say that could make an impact. That still remains my most visited post. A couple of years later, I wrote a seven part manifesto about the church to encourage us and say that we can do better. Finally, I had found my voice.

Last summer, I joined something called the Start Experiment to challenge myself to chase after some dreams. I began to recognize my passions and wrote about where it started. It is through connections I made in that group that I started to recognize a need to focus this blog and make it something that is uniquely my own thing and re-branded it.

First, an idea. Then a voice. Now an identity and an audience.

This has been a journey of the Don't Stop Believing variety and I am excited to compose my next 1000 posts. I declare that to be awesome.

Thank you for joining me in this adventure.

3.31.2014

March's swan song

As I parked my car at the grocery store and shut off the engine, a thread of lightning violently wove its way across the fabric of the sky. An instant later, thunder rattled as if nature's symphony was preempted by a rock 'n roll drum solo. I came across some old friends inside the store who told me that the thunder shook the building. It was close.

I smiled.

I love storms. There's something invigorating about them - a near magical quality that makes me feel alive. Inclement weather and other acts of God are my fountain of youth.

In the Inaugural Day storm of 1993, my dad and I went for a walk around the neighborhood; we watched the fireworks of blown transformers unnaturally light up the skies around us. I leaned back with all of the weight my scrawny 14 year old self contained and allowed the force of wind to hold me upright.

During the seasonal flooding, my dad and I would often approach the swollen banks of the Snohomish, Stillaguamish, and Skagit Rivers to witness first hand the mighty and destructive power of roaring waters. I still remember that sense of awe seeing the familiar sunken under rising and uncontrollable torrents.

One 4th of July, I went swimming in a friend's pool during a thunderstorm. Although, in hindsight, that wasn't my brightest moment. Later that summer while visiting family in Cheyenne, tornado sirens started sounding. Instead of going to the basement with everyone else, my cousin Joel and I headed outside to play catch.

When an earthquake struck during our final dress rehearsal of Neil Simon's Rumors, people told me I was the calmest person around. Classmates that wouldn't normally talk to me were coming to me for comfort.

When the German Club's tour bus was trapped by an avalanche returning home from from Leavenworth's Christmas tree lighting festival I was the happiest passenger on board. That was one of the highlights of my senior year.

I even tried to go storm chasing while living in Sioux Falls, but I accidentally left the car windows down before the storm hit. As I drove off in the direction of reported funnel clouds, the windows fogged up so badly that I couldn't see anything more than a car-length in front of me. In lieu of my plans, I sheltered at a Walmart to get dinner and headed back home. I eventually got to see a tornado the following summer; I was DJing for a wedding and stepped outside in time to watch a twister drift by a little more than a mile away. The bride and groom inside were blissfully unaware of the wrath and fury outside the rented dance hall.

I love storms.

I know that not everyone shares my fervor when it comes to experiencing natural disasters. The recent landslide in Oso is a reminder that nature is more than sunshine and roses. It is nurturing but vengeful. It is beautiful but dangerous. Every raw display is a potential for tragedy.

And last night, I was reminded of one other life that does not agree with my love of storms. My daughter.

She's scared of loud noises. And last night was full of loud noises. A mix of rain and hail poured from a seamless and darkened leaden sky. Wind whipped the hail against every heard surface. Thunder rolled long and unavoidable. Runoff pooled in parking lots and roadways like a blunt reminder that Noah opened in theaters this weekend.

While I might have found last night's natural theatrics a fitting farewell to the month of March, I know that today was the kind of day my daughter prefers. A gentle warmth and baby blue skies decorated with cotton ball clouds.

This month was true to the saying, in like a lion and out like a lamb. It's probably better that way.

3.19.2014

They are coming. Soon.

Peanuts. The movie. Digital animation from the same studio that made Ice Age, Rio, and Epic. This brings me so much joy.



Hearing Vince Guaraldi's jazzy Peanuts Theme warms my heart. It reminds me of all that is good. It evokes feelings of optimism and innocence. It brings me back to that youthful belief that anything is possible, that maybe this time Lucy won't pull away the football when I go to kick it.

I loved the Peanuts gang when I was little. It was the first comic strip at the top of the Sunday paper's comics section. While my dad read through local news and my big brother dove into the sports section, I would sneak off with the funny pages. Of course, when I was too young to read, Aaron was a good brother and read them to me, but that's irrelevant. Every Sunday morning, the first thing I would consume was the newest mishaps of Charlie Brown and his circle of friends.

There were the cartoons. I've seen every single one of them. Multiple times. It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and Snoopy Come Home were my favorites.

The pastor at my childhood church was also a fan of Peanuts. He would regularly slip references and stories from the comic into his sermon illustrations.

Then there was my first nickname. When I was really young, my parents referred to me as Woodstock because the blond hair on top of my head stood strait up like that lovable yellow bird.

The Peanuts characters are woven into the fabric of my identity. Rewatching the cartoons as an adult stirs up so many wonderful memories. I feel at peace and remember the simplicity of being a kid.

Eventually, I outgrew the Woodstock nickname. As I got older, I began to identify more with Charlie Brown. Clumsy. Horrible at sports. Over-eager to fit in. Awkward around girls. He failed almost everything he did. On the surface it looks like he had a lot of friends, but I get the impression that those friends tolerated him more than they accepted him.

When I watched the movies and TV specials - when I read the comic strips, I couldn't help but recognize myself in Charlie Brown. Still do today. I see his foolishness, his insecurity, his sadness, his hopes, his efforts, his failures. I see all of that and think, "Yes, that's me."

Charlie Brown wasn't equipped to navigate the relationships in his life. He was ill prepared to handle the teasing. He really did not belong with that group of kids. However, Charles Schultz did something brilliant with this character. Charlie Brown was never portrayed as a victim. Even when he was being tormented by Lucy, Charlie Brown took ownership of his actions. Even when he failed miserably, he kept going. Charlie Brown never let his mistakes or mistreatment hinder his ability to get up and try again.

Those are lessons I'm still learning.

3.17.2014

What about happy endings?

In the movie Clerks, Randal walked into the Quick Stop after watching Return of the Jedi to discuss a revelation with his friend (and Quick Stop employee) Dante. The conversation they had is one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie.

Randal asked Dante if he preferred Jedi or Empire Strikes Back but was insulted when Dante answered Empire.

"Blasphemy." was Randal's response.

Dante explained his reason: "Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets."

When looking at the story of our lives, most guys want to go slay a dragon, return to their castle, and kiss the girl. Unless you're me. I wanted to blow up the Death Star, fly back to Endor, and party with the Ewoks. Bunch of Muppets.

We all want the happy ending. We want to walk into a room and hear the cheers. "Hail the conquering hero!"

What do you do when you don't get that nice, neat, and victorious conclusion? You lose your hand. You find out the greatest villain in the universe is your dad. You tell someone that you love them and they reply, "I know." You're dipped in carbonite and taken away by a bounty hunter. End scene. Roll credits. What then?

Because that's where I am. Where I feel my efforts have been in vain. That what I have been hoping and praying for has been answered with a brash, insulting, and irrevocable no.

It's too easy to be trapped by that thought that life is nothing more than a series of down endings. We can't stay stuck there. Like Han frozen in carbonite, life doesn't stop with the down ending. There has to be something more. Something better.

How do we get there?

We must remember that the down ending isn't really the end. The Star Wars Saga didn't finish with Empire. That was only the second act in a three act play. Jedi was the ending. Victory and celebration and redemption was the true ending. Those down endings were a segue to something else. Those down endings were challenges to overcome. It's the long dark night of the soul.

Discouraged, bruised, wounded. To carry on, we must recognize that our journey doesn't end here.

I know I'm not alone. I've talked with several who are right there with me. Right now. Those who feel like they're at the end of their ropes. Who feel burdened by guilt and shame. Who view themselves as screwups. Who look at this moment in time as another down ending.

Let me be the first to tell you that the story continues. You are Han Solo. You are Princess Leia. You are Luke Skywalker. You are Chewie, Lando, Wicket. A better ending is coming. You (and me) in our brokenness, in our failures, in our defeats, we are still the heroes of our stories.

If that's you, please feel free to leave a comment. Send me a message through Facebook or Twitter. I would like to encourage you to keep going. I know my story is not over. Neither is yours.

3.14.2014

Hope, part 2

In my previous post, I described hope as a peculiar thing. Hope is not an easy word to define. I could tell you what it is, but there are many that have described it in words far more eloquent than I could ever compose.

Here are five of my favorite lyrics about hope.


1. "Give me a reason for life and for death, a reason for drowning while I hold my breath. Something to laugh at, a reason to cry. With everyone hopeless and hoping for something to hope for." Life And Love And Why by Switchfoot

2. "Hope dangles on a string kike slow spinning redemption, winding in and winding out. The shine of it has caught my eye." Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional

3. "Faith is a trampoline. Life is a ginger snap. Love is like gasoline. Hope is a welcome mat." Zoom Daddy by The Swirling Eddies

4. "Don’t let these waves wash away your hopes. This war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors; pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors ... My fear is this prison that I keep locked below the main deck. I keep a key under my pillow; it’s quiet and it’s hidden and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right, but they’re heavy and I’m awkward." Wooden Heart (Sea of Mist Called Skaidan) by Listener

5. "All around hope is springing up from this old ground. Out of chaos life is being found in You. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of the dust ... You make beautiful things out of us." Beautiful Things by Gungor




For as long as I can remember, I have found hope, motivation, and solace in music. Over the years, these are a few songs that have stood out to me when I needed hope the most. What songs give you hope?

3.11.2014

A funny little thing called hope

Hope is such a peculiar thing. I find it hard to define yet it's the thing I've wanted most in my life. You can't touch it but you can feel it. It's always spoken of in a positive light. A motivator. A source of joy or courage. No one ever says they hope for disaster. The proper saying is to hope for the best and plan for the worst.

No one hopes for something they all ready have. I can't hope to have veggies and pasta for dinner when I have veggies and pasta waiting for me to cook when I get home. I can hope it has a satisfying taste or hope I don't burn it. Those options are still to be confirmed or denied. But I can't hope to have it since it's all ready mine.

Hope is a longing for something that has not yet happened. It is for something yet to come. It is for possibilities.

Hope carries patients with cancer through their treatments.
Hope sees renewal of broken relationships.
Hope recognizes potential in lost causes.
Hope pushes the worn out runner to finish the marathon.
Hope lifts the spirits of the underdog.

My life is filled with hope. Reality says that I could be let down. Reality knows that the things I hope for could never come to pass. Yet I cling to it. And I still hope. Even when it seems unlikely or unreasonable, I hope. I walk in and out of the gym with hope for a healthier future and a skinnier waistline. I play with my kids with hope for their best interests. I hustle at work with hopes for security. Everyday, I hope. In all things, I hope.

It's not easy. And I don't always get it right. But it's worth it.

3.10.2014

Bruised

On Friday, I was playing with JJ - my youngest. In a moment of excitement, he threw a toy at me. It hit me on the bridge of my nose just below where my glasses rest. I wasn't worried. No harm, no foul. He as just being overzealous.

Yesterday, I discovered a bruise on my nose at the point of impact. Still no worries. It's a tiny little thing.


Today, I've had a monstrous headache emanating from that diminutive brown mark. The throbbing noggin is pesky, but I can only deliver one thought about this incident: that kid has good aim.

3.08.2014

Christian's house

My oldest son's favorite artistic pursuit is cutting up paper to make other things. He draws pictures of people and animals then cuts them out and uses them like action figures. This weekend, he made a house.


That's the back door with steps going down to the back yard. He even made a little car that you can park in the garage. Here it is parked out in front of the front door.


The doors all open and close. Like the back door.


And the front door.


Once you open the front door, you can see the stairs up to the second level.


The living room takes up most of the front of the house.


It has a couch and a coffee table. And a big television.


The bedroom is in the back of the first floor.


At the top of the stairs is the kitchen. It must be a bachelor pad as the only two appliances are a fridge and a microwave.


The two doors upstairs lead to an office (left) and the bathroom (right). There is a computer desk and an office chair in the office. The bathroom has everything you could ever want: toilet, sink, and a bathtub.


Christian purposely did not make a roof so that his sister could use it as a doll house. That kid blows me away with his creativity and unexpected moments of generosity.