Oh to Be a Writer

During a recent dinner date, my wife and I talked about some of my recent work - primarily my fanfic suggestions for a Christmas special in the MCU along with Marvel's upcoming Deadpool and Fantastic Four movies. I admitted to Annie how all my blog posts and tweets about things I wish to see in the MCU are really auditions to be a member of Disney/Marvel’s writing team. After all, I’m just a big fan with a fondness for storytelling and thorough understanding of comic book lore. She let me know I should be careful which dreams I share with her because she might just find a way to make it happen.

Then she asked, “How does one become a writer at Marvel?”

I explained in terms I know best: music. “These behind-the-scenes roles like writers and directors, it’s like the Drake song - started from the bottom now we here. Started from the bottom now my whole team here.”

Disney is an empire. Marvel is a behemoth. The people who tell their stories don’t just show up out of nowhere. They did something small. Then more small stuff until one of those projects got attention allowing them to do bigger things. Then they make a good impression through those bigger projects until the decision makers at Marvel Studios asks “Hey, do you want to do that, but with us?”

To prove my point (because I have autism and constantly feel the need to prove myself) I did a deep dive into the writers of the MCU.

First up: Iron Man. Before writing this script Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby wrote the critically adored Children of Men.

Zak Penn, writer for The Incredible Hulk, worked on Men in Black, Behind Enemy Lines, and Reign of Fire before penning the MCU’s second film.

The writer of Zoolander and American Psycho was selected for Iron Man 2. The two movies he did before joining the MCU were Tropic Thunder and Megamind.

Two of the three writers for Thor got noticed for their work on Agent Cody Banks.

The script team for Captain America: The First Avenger wrote five movies before working for Marvel. Three of those films were Narnia adaptations: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Prince Caspian, and Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

2012’s The Avengers was written by Joss Whedon who had a prolific career before working with Marvel. He’s most well known for two things - writing, directing, and producing Buffy the Vampire Slayer; and for being a terrible and toxic person to practically everyone who’s worked with him.

And that’s just the first phase of the MCU. They’re now in the fifth phase with phase six starting in the spring of 2025. Marvel is still using people that proved themselves elsewhere like taking a dude that wrote for Rick & Morty, The Onion News, and Jimmy Kimmel to pen the script for last year’s Quantumania.

The same is true with the MCU TV shows. Before Moon Knight, Jeremy Slater wrote for The Umbrella Academy. Michael Waldron did scripts for Rick & Morty before helming the first season of Loki.

All of these screenwriters wrote cool things, got noticed, and then joined the Marvel fold. Writing for Marvel isn’t a stepping stone, it’s the destination.

One that note ...

Hi Marvel, I’m Nicholas Casey. Author, nerd, and cinephile. I wrote a book and hope to get it published soon. I’m also a fan. Hire me. Please?

Fantastic Four: A Proposal

With a cast announced less than a month ago and roughly 16 months to film, edit, reshoot, score, and add special effects, Marvel has a lot to do in a short timeframe. Fantastic Four are some of the most popular and recognizable characters from Marvel Comics. Expectations are high especially since fans have been disappointed in previous cinematic attempts ranging anywhere from lackluster to what one critic described as “woefully misguided.”

The upcoming F4 movie has to accomplish the following:
1. Be consistent, coherent, funny, and better than anything Fox put into theaters.
2. Create the effects of elasticity, invisibility, flaming flight, and rock hard invulnerability without looking like obvious CGI.
3. Avoid over reliance on CGI (one of the biggest criticisms against recent MCU entries).
4. Not break the sacred timeline. The MCU has had some minor continuity errors lately.
5. Bring this team from the 1960s to the present.
6. Explain how Fantastic Four existed in the MCU timeline as heroes in the 1960s but no one remembers them in the current era.
7. Connect to both the past and the future of the MCU.
8. Avoid the origin story. We got it in two other movies already. Fans are sick of origin stories.
9. Make every one love H.E.R.B.I.E.
10. For fan service - give Pedro Pascal a special kid to protect.

Image courtesy Marvel Studios

What if I told you I had an idea to satisfy all of these demands? (Yes, I realize the scrip is already written and since I’m not psychic, I’m aware the actual movie will be different than my proposal. A boy can dream right?)

Side note: my idea sets the movie several years after the team had been blasted with cosmic rays on the first American mission to space, giving them their powers. By the early 60’s when the movie begins, Fantastic Four are already world famous and active superheroes.

Cold open in the middle of Fantastic Four doing heroics - perhaps fighting a retro villain or something cosmic which would lean into Ben Grimm’s career as an astronaut. After the title card, we see the heroes in Washington DC receiving commendations from President Lyndon B. Johnson. Franklin and Valeria watch their family from the side of the stage under H.E.R.B.I.E.’s supervision. At the dinner gala following the award ceremony, Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) approaches Reed to congratulate him and they discuss the creation and use of pym particles.

Image courtesy Marvel Studios

Back at the Baxter Building, Sue puts Franklin and Valeria to bed. Because they’re young, they still share a bedroom. After lights out, the two kids start discussing pym particles with excitement. Due to Valeria’s superior intellect, she deduces the element could be used for time travel. They spend the next few days constructing their own time machine with spare parts from their father’s laboratory. There’s only one problem: Hank Pym possesses all of the pym particles and doesn’t like to share. This forces the children to invent their own version of the element.

Once the machine and particles are complete, they test it out. Valeria steps inside and activates it. She’s transported to what she thinks is the future but is actually an alternate universe. There she sees Sue eating dinner inside their Baxter Building apartment with someone other than Reed. Sue calls this man Victor. Valeria tries to interrupt but is scolded and Victor tells her she’s supposed to be working on her homework. Sue gets up and escorts Valeria back to her bedroom where school books and assignments are littered on her desk. Valeria finds a pair of Doom gauntlets, a cape, and armor on the bed. She puts on the gauntlets and is surprised to find they’re a perfect fit. Valeria sits down at the desk and sees her name written on one of her school papers as Valeria Von Doom. She panics and suddenly gets transported back to her reality where Johnny and Sue are frustrated with Franklin as he tries to explain where Valeria disappeared.

Valeria, still wearing the gauntlets, announces her presence. Reed and Ben return as they had been searching the building to find Valeria. Demanding an explanation, the adults listen to the child’s testimony of events. When she mentions Victor and describes him, Reed gets angry. Von Doom was a childhood friend of Reed’s who immigrated to the US after World War II and was a member of the space mission that gave the Fantastic Four powers. Sue and Reed begin arguing with accusations of affairs. Reed wants to know why she’d choose Von Doom, Johnny tries to defend her sister, and Franklin pleads with them to stop. To end the fight, Franklin accidentally uses his latent psionic powers pushing Johnny, Sue, and Valeria into the time machine and sends them 60 years into the future.

The force of the psionic blast damages the machine. Ben panics and tries to deactivate it but the controls are not designed for his big hands and he breaks it more. As the machine grows unstable Franklin and Reed scramble to depower it and avert disaster. Unfortunately, they can’t prevent the time machine from exploding, all they can do is contain the blast to minimize damage. At the last possible moment, Thing positions himself to take the brunt of impact so the shockwave doesn’t destroy Manhattan. Reed grabs Franklin, running for the balcony, and leaps into the abyss. Mr Fantastic stretches his body to form a parachute and wraps his hands and feet into a harness around Franklin so the two can float to safety together.

Behind them, the Baxter Building shakes and a ball of flames blow out the windows of the upper floors. The building implodes and crumbles, damaging neighboring buildings as it collapses with Thing and H.E.R.B.I.E. inside. Thankfully, Ben Grimm is nearly indestructible and is able to crawl his way out of the rubble.

They are devastated. Reed’s wife and daughter are gone, Ben lost his friend Johnny, and Franklin is filled with guilt. They want to find the other half of their family and bring them home but don’t know where to look or how to recreate the machine Valeria helped build. Hank Pym, Janet Van Dyne (Michelle Pfeiffer), and Dr. Bill Foster (Laurence Fishburne) show up to help those affected by the Baxter disaster. Reed begs Hank to help build a new time machine to help them rescue Johnny, Sue, and Valeria. Hank refuses because it’s too dangerous, doesn’t believe pym particles could be used for time travel, and wouldn’t know where to find the missing people even if time travel was possible.

Meanwhile, Sue and Johnny struggle to make sense of the changes to Manhattan and new technologies. No one recognizes them or remembers them. Due to superior intellect, Valeria adapts quickly. Their sudden appearance also causes a disruption, sensed by Wong (Benedict Wong) who takes Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie) with him to intercept the heroes from the past. Johnny and Sue demonstrate their powers, believing Wong and Wilson are members of hydra. In the brief fight, Wong subdues them with magic.

Image courtesy Marvel Studios

Sue, Johnny, and Valeria are brought to a holding cell at the new Avengers headquarters and Wong sling rings his way out leaving Sam to interrogate the newcomers. During the interrogation, a news story provides an update on Victor Von Doom founding the Kingdom of Latveria after rebuilding the ruins of his homeland, Sokovia. Sue is stunned but Valeria doesn’t recognize him because Dr Doom is wearing a mask. Wilson offers them transport to Latveria on the condition they stay there.

Back in 1964, Reed reaches out to the only person he can think to help: the Sorcerer Supreme. At the Sanctum Sanctorum, they find the Ancient One (Tilda Swinton) repair the mansion because it had minor damages from the collapse of the Baxter Building. Reed explains their predicament to the Ancient One. She meditates for a while, and though her meditation she learns where the others had gone.

Image courtesy Marvel Studios

Ancient One agrees to help but with sacrificial consequences. First, she can send them into the future timeline but it is a one way trip, they will not be able to return home. If they agree, the future will become their home. The second condition is an agreement for the Ancient One to undo the damages they caused to Manhattan, but in doing so she will erase the knowledge of their existence from everyone’s memory. No one will remember the Fantastic Four, no one will know they are heroes, no one will remember their missions to space leaving NASA’s space program to start over without them. Their timeline will move on as if they never existed. When they arrive in the future, they will have to begin a completely new life from nothing.

Reed, Ben, and Franklin all agree. Ancient One works her magic, the collapse of the Baxter Building is undone in reverse, damages to Manhattan are repaired, the photo of Ben Grimm disappears from the halls of NASA, a newspaper clipping showing Hank shaking hands with Reed changes to show Hank shaking hands with Howard Stark (John Slattery), and the remaining heroes vanish from 1964.

In modern times, Reed, Ben, and Franklin appear in Sanctum Sanctorum the same place they just left. However, they’re now standing behind Wong who is binge watching Game of Thrones with Madisynn (Patty Guggenheim). Wong jumps up ready to fight but is disarmed when Reed asks “Where is the Ancient One?” The story of why and how they arrived in Sanctum Sanctorum is relayed and Wong agrees to help.

Image courtesy Marvel Studios

In Latveria, Dr Doom is suspicious of Sue and Johnny, imprisoning them. Inside captivity, their powers are inert. This frustrates Johnny who keeps throwing himself into the walls trying to ignite himself. However, curious how Valeria got a hold of gauntlets he designed, Von Doom treats the girl like a princess.

Wong learns from Sam where Reed’s family was taken. Wong’s students learn Johnny and Sue are being held captive. Madison researches social media and finds pictures of Victor with Valeria, and she is dressed in royal Latverian clothing to match Doom’s costume. Reed and Ben demand to mount a rescue mission. Sam declined to assist them as his participation would be a violation of UN treaties protecting Latveria’s sovereignty.

To complete the rescue, Wong sends a few of his students to accompany Reed and Ben to storm Doom’s castle. Wong remains behind to manage the New York sanctum and baby sit Franklin.

In Latveria, the heroes are confronted with dozens of doombots. As Thing smashes the robots and Mr Fantastic uses his rubbery arms to launch the bots every direction, the students use their magic to break the doombots apart. Unfortunately, for every robot destroyed, more appear.

Inside the castle, Dr Doom is eating a meal with Valeria. His mask is off, revealing scars and disfiguration. Seeing the commotion on his security feed, he excuses himself and dons the mask. He joins the melee and orders his doombots to stop fighting. Doom asks the heroes for their reason to enter Latveria. Franklin explains he came to retrieve his family. Feigning cordiality, Doom invites them inside the castle. Once inside, Reed and Ben lose their powers, reverting Thing back to his original human appearance. Without warning, the doombots swarm and overpower the de-powered heroes and escort them to detainment cells. While being dragged away, Reed asks Victor “What happened to you?”

The question confounds Doom. Due to the spell Ancient One used to undo the damages to Manhattan in the 60s, Victor doesn’t remember any of the Fantastic Four. In the 60s, Franklin has a vision of Valeria filled with rage and smashing electric components. He tells Wong how Valeria might be in danger. Wong responds with a grunt, “hmm” and tells the boy to go watch cartoons.

Back in the dining hall, Valeria is watching everything on the security feed Doom left on. Seeing her father mistreated angers her. She gets her gauntlets and uses telepathy to deduce the location of the castle’s security controls. Once there, she uses the gauntlets to smash everything which deactivates the castle’s defenses, including the technology Doom uses to repress magic and superpower abilities. In an instant, Johnny is ablaze and Thing turns into stone. They bust out of their cells. Wong’s students regain their magic and escape.

A new battle resumes between the heroes and doombots. This time, with two additional fighters, progress seems easier. Because the security system is damaged, the bots are easier to fight and Von Doom lost his ability to control them. They quickly subdue Victor Von Doom but are stopped from hurting him by Valeria. She explains he is this nation’s king and the people of Latveria depend on him. Their status as an independent nation is recognized by the United Nations and protected by the European Union. Franklin advises Doom to rule his people and remain in his country. Should Doom ever cause harm outside of his borders, the Fantastic Four would be there to stop him.

The students use the sling rings to open portals allowing the team to return to the Sanctum Sanctorum. Before she leaves, Valeria removes the cape and armor Victor gifted her. She turns to exit but pauses again, drops the gauntlets then steps through the portal.

Back in New York, Sue and Reed find Franklin watching The Simpsons with Madisynn. With the team reunited, Reed says it’s time to find a new home. Franklin says he has a few ideas. Begin credits.

In a mid credit scene, in the basement of the old Baxter Building, a tarp covers a strange form. Small lights turn on, illuminating the tarp from the inside. The form inside wiggles and wrestles itself free revealing H.E.R.B.I.E. reactivated for the first time in 60 years.

In a post credit scene, Sue and Reed are on a date at a fancy restaurant. Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) approaches, who they think is their waiter. Strange uses magic to make their drink order appear. He introduces himself and invites Reed to join the Illuminati.

Image courtesy Marvel Studios

Just think what my version of the film accomplishes. It introduces the Fantastic Four, brings them from the 60s into the present without disturbing the sacred timeline, explains why no one in modern times remembers them, sets up Dr Doom as a future big baddie, connects the Fantastic Four to other MCU characters, and maintains the Pedro protects a kid trope. It’s perfect.

Of course, Disney has their own plans. The script has been written and production should begin soon. We’ll see what Marvel Studios creates when the movie releases next year.

Fantastic Four: A Refresher

The leader of the team can stretch absurd lengths and flex his body into any shape. His wife can turn herself invisible at will and project force fields around herself any anyone next to her. The youngest can ignite his body in a ball of flames and fly while he’s on fire. The last member is the only one who can’t pass for normal, his body built of orange rocks making him super strong and nearly indestructible. Aside from their powers, who are the Fantastic Four?

Reed Richards is known as the smartest man in the Marvel universe. He is slightly arrogant but in a way he doesn’t realize he’s arrogant because he literally is so much more intelligent than everyone else. He’s a workaholic and can often be emotionally distant.

Image courtesy of Marvel Comics

Johnny Storm has a massive ego and is eager to flaunt his powers. He’s charismatic, braggadocios, an adrenaline junky, and enjoys attention. Despite his hot temper, he wants everyone to like him and is willing to team up with almost anyone.

Image courtesy of Marvel Comics

Ben Grimm has a soft heart under his rough exterior. He used his football scholarship to escape his impoverished and violent childhood. Not the smartest dude around but he makes up for it with a jovial personality and uses humor to hide his emotional turmoil.

Image courtesy of Marvel Comics

Sue Storm lost her mom at a young age and her father struggled with alcoholism, leaving her to take care of her younger brother Johnny. Even as adults, she is still a motherly figure to those around her. She is the soul of the team, being their voice of reason and emotional support. She is also incredibly powerful and is often underestimated.

Image courtesy of Marvel Comics

Combined, they are Fantastic Four. This is the first superhero team in Marvel Comics and Marvel’s first family. However, their family is bigger than the four of them.

Reed and Sue are married and have two kids - Franklin and Valeria. As children of super-powered parents, these kids also have abilities. Franklin inherited his father’s intelligence but also possesses the ability to manipulate reality and experiences minor precognitive visions. Valeria didn’t acquire Reed’s intelligence, she superseded it. She mastered several fields of science at a young age including multidimensional physics. She also got her mom’s gift of invisibility and developed the power to project energy. Both kids have limited ability to travel through time. Franklin does so with his psionic powers and Valeria uses a method she calls time-dancing.

Image courtesy of Marvel Comics

Johnny is uncle to the Richards kids. His best friend, Wyatt Wingfoot doesn’t have any superpowers but is an athletic marksman and has occasionally saved the Four from potentially bad situations by showing up at the right place at the right time. Johnny has also dated a Skrull alien, a member of the Inhumans, and a couple ladies in the X-Men.

The only member of the team not in the family is Ben. However he is Franklin and Valeria’s godfather and the kids treat him like an uncle. While he tends to be a loner, afraid people won’t accept his appearance, he did develop a relationship with a blind artist named Alicia Masters, who happens to be the daughter of Puppet Master, one of the F4’s foes.

Then there are the robots. H.E.R.B.I.E. was originally a substitute for the missing Human Torch then became a lab assistant to Reed, butler for the family, and a babysitter for Franklin and Valeria. Roberta was the Baxter Building receptionist. She looked human but didn’t have legs and is attached to her desk. She often outwits hackers and trespassers attempting to access the Fantastic Four’s home.

While Fantastic Four’s stories are filled with action and adventure, it is the family drama that endeared them to readers. Fans could see themselves in the rivalry and occasional pranks between Ben and Johnny. They could relate to the marital disputes between Sue and Reed. They longed for the loving bond between brother and sister or the mentorship Reed provided Johnny. Everyone wanted a devoted friend like Ben. They laughed together, often quarreled, and adore each other deeply.

This is the charm Marvel Studios needs to capture that was missing from the previous movies. A family that doesn’t always get along but love each other through crisis and conflict. Individuals who think that can do anything alone but realize they are better together. And heroes who genuinely enjoy a good joke.

Fantastic Four: A Timeline

November 1961: The Fantastic Four debuted with issue #1 for Marvel Comics. This is the first team of heroes created by the collaboration between Jack Kirby and Stan Lee. Due to their popularity among readers and their status of being an actual family in fictional continuity, the Four quickly became known as the first family of Marvel.

Image courtesy Marvel Comics

While superhero teams were not a new concept in the world of comic books, Fantastic Four were unique because they were a family. The first issues introduced Reed Richards (Mr Fantastic) as a man with an elastic body and his girlfriend Sue Storm (Invisible Woman) who could become invisible and project an invisible force field around her. The two would later get married. Also on the team was Johnny Storm (Human Torch), Sue’s brother who could fly and light himself on fire. The last member was Ben Grimm (Thing) who was Reed’s college room mate and possessed a body made or rock. Like all families, this one bickered a lot adding their family drama into the tension of fighting supervillains and anti-heroes like Namor, Dr Doom, Annihilation, and the Silver Surfer.

July 1963: with issue #16, Marvel dropped the The. The Fantastic Four officially became Fantastic Four.

1975: Fantastic Four is released as a radio show starring Bill Murray as Human Torch. It doesn’t last long.

1977: Bill Murray joined the cast of Saturday Night Live, completely redeeming his role as Human Torch.

September 1967: Hannah-Barbera produces a cartoon Fantastic Four series. It lasts for a rear. The cartoon is revived in 1978 with a different producer. The revival does not include Human Torch, instead they have a robot servant named H.E.R.B.I.E who is incorporated into the comics.

Image courtesy Hannah-Barbera

1979: another cartoon broadcasts titled Fred and Barney Meet the Thing. Thing is the only F4 character featured in the series and gave us the catch phrase “Thing-rings, do your thing!” We’ll pretend this doesn’t exist.

Image courtesy Hannah-Barbera

1985: Questprobe 3 was released as an 8 bit game on the Atari. It only featured Human Torch and Thing.

Image courtesy of Adventure International

1986: Constantin Film purchases film rights to Fantastic Four. Those rights were set to expire 12/31/92 if a movie isn’t produced.

1992: Constantin Film teams up with Roger Corman (known for creating countless B-movies) to produce the first Fantastic Four movie on a $1 million budget. Constantin Film had to make this movie to prevent film rights from being reverted back to Marvel. It was set to be in theaters Labor Day weekend of 1993 but that never happened because it was so terrible. It was never officially released but can be pirated online.

Image courtesy of New Concorde

October 1997: Fantastic Four was released as a beat ‘em up style video game on the original PlayStation.

Image courtesy Acclaim Entertainment

2004: 20th Century Fox acquired the film rights to Fantastic Four.

July 2005: 20th Century Fox releases Fantastic Four starring Ioan Gruffudd as Mr Fantastic, Jessica Alba as Invisible Woman, Chris Evans as Human Torch, and Michael Chiklis as Thing. It got mixed reviews. I thought it was just OK. Not bad but not good either.

Image courtesy 20th Century Fox

September 2006: debut of the cartoon series Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes.

Image courtesy Taffy Entertainment

October 2006: The Fantastic Four we’re playable characters in the game Ultimate Alliance. A month later it was released on the PlayStation2, then on the Wii another month later. They appeared in the sequel but not playable, and they were playable again as DLC in the third game of the series.

Image courtesy Activision

June 2007: Fox premiers the movie sequel. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer debuts to more mixed reviews. While I don’t think it was a great movie, I enjoyed it more than its predecessor. There were plans for a third movie that never materialized.

Image courtesy 20th Century Fox

September 2009: Debut of the cartoon Super Hero Squad. This show features a wide variety of marvel characters and frequently includes members of Fantastic Four. My older three kids were obsessed with this show when it came out.

Image courtesy Marvel Animation

2011: Chris Evans is cast as Captain America in the MCU, completely redeeming his role as Human Torch.

August 20015: Fox released the Josh Trank Fant4stic starring stars Miles Teller as Mr Fantastic, Kate Mara as Invisible Woman, Michael B. Jordan as Human Torch, Jamie Bell as Thing. This movie was created for the same reason as the unreleased Fantastic Four movie - to prevent the film rights from expiring and reverting back to Marvel. And just like the 90s F4 movie, it sucked. It was trashed by critics, ignored by fans, and won two golden raspberry awards (worst director and worst picture).

Image courtesy 20th Century Fox

2018: Michael B. Jordan was cast as Killmanger in Black Panther, completely redeeming his role as Human Torch.

March 2019: Disney bought 21st Century Fox, returning Fantastic Film rights to Marvel Studios.

July 2019: Kevin Feige appeared at San Diego Comic-Con to announce the slate of upcoming MCU projects in production, which included Fantastic Four.

Image courtesy Marvel Studios

May 2022: Mr Fantastic has a brief appearance in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness as a member of The Illuminati. He’s portrayed by fan casting favorite John Krasinski.

Image courtesy Marvel Studios

September 2022: At the D23 Expo, Kevin Feige announced a director (Matt Shakman) and a release date (11/8/24). The release has since been pushed back to 7/25/25.

November 2023: It is heavily rumored then confirmed Pedro Pascal was cast to play Mr Fantastic in the MCU. This is a disappointment to many (including me) who wanted to see John Krasinski continue this character. Since Pascal perfected his geek chops as a loner escorting a special child to safety in The Mandalorian and as a loner escorting a special child to safety in The Last Of Us, jokes started circulating social media asking which special child he would escort to safety in Fantastic Four.

February 2024: For Valentine’s Day, Marvel Studios released a teaser image for Fantastic Four confirming the cast. Pedro Pascal as Mr Fantastic, Vanessa Kirby as Invisible Woman, Joseph Quinn as Human Torch, and Ebon Moss-Bachrach as Thing. Easter eggs in the announcement confirm rumors that the movie would be set in the sixties.

Image courtesy Marvel Studios

Scenes from a Movie We’ll Never See

We all know this castle right?

Image courtesy Disney

We have observed Tinker Bell flying over this structure for the better part of the last century. Soon, there’s a movie coming from the house of mouse the younger version of me thought would never happen.

Image courtesy movieweb.com

Humor me for a moment.

You’re sitting in a darkened theater and the Marvel fanfare begins. You’ve watched enough MCU movies to know what’s coming. Flashing comic book pages followed by reddened clips of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes framing the inside edges of letters comprising the words Marvel Studios. However, instead of Chris Pratt, Chris Hemsworth, and Chris Evans populating the studio title card, it’s all images of Deadpool doing inappropriate things from his first two movies.

Next up is the Disney branding. This is where the Magic Kingdom comes in. However, instead of the home fit for Cinderella, the castle we all know and love is constructed with katanas, pistols, grenades, rocket launchers, sais, and knives. The sky is red, the river black. Replacing the old ship, there’s a food truck selling chimichangas. Instead of the orchestral version of “When You Wish Upon a Star” as the fanfare, you have Flava Flav singing the lyrics in the same passionate and slightly off key voice like when he sang the National Anthem. With the last line “come to you” you hear the snikt sound of Wolverine’s claws, then a second snikt, followed by a slash.

When the Disney fanfare is done, the camera zooms into and through the castle doors as if it was attached to a drone flown by Wade Wilson. Once inside the castle, the camera turns 180° to replay a clip from 2018’s Deadpool 2 where Wolverine is about to fight the weird Deadpool from 2009’s X-Men Origins. Through Logan’s claws, you watch the crappy Deadpool get shot in the head by the cool Deadpool. Deadpool steps out and says “Hey, it’s me, don’t scratch.”

Image courtesy Fox Marvel/Disney

This is all straight from the post credits scene of Deadpool 2. As soon as Wade says “Don’t scratch,” you hear a record scratch and the frame freezes. Over the motionless action from the previous movie, the new Deadpool’s narration begins.

“Remember when this happened? Ever since then, shit got weird. How weird? Glad you asked.”

Suddenly, new footage starts in a room full of Deadpools from different universes. One is wearing a Santa hat, one is dressed like Gwenpool (voiced by Blake Lively), one is a cartoon, there’s a dinosaur, and a kid. With the exception of Gwenpool and the kid, all of them are played by Ryan Reynolds. This collection of Deadpool variants are arguing about which Deadpool is the real Deadpool. One of them cracks, screaming “there can be only one” and kills all of them except Gwenpool. He tells Gwenpool, “Bye hon, I’ll see you when I’m done with filming.”

Breaking the fourth wall, Deadpool looks at the camera and says “I told them I was the real Deadpool.” He pauses and cocks his head to the side then continues. “Wait, what if I’m not the real Deadpool.” Wade looks around and kicks a couple corpses to see if any other Deadpools are still alive then faces the camera again. “Oh well, too late now. The last Deadpool puts on a pair of Mickey Mouse ears and leaves the room while whistling the dwarfs’ tune from Snow White: “Whistle While You Work.”

Title card. DEADPOOL 3 fills the screen. The opening credits sequence features a gratuitous amount of Deadpool twerking with the soundtrack playing Ying Yang Twins’ song “Whistle While You Twurk.” Deadpool twerks with Chewbacca, She-Hulk, Zachary Levi dressed like Flynn Rider, the emotions from Inside Out, Quorra from Tron, Will Smith’s Genie, Woody and Buzz, Domino and Cable, Ernesto de la Cruz, Loki, Olaf, Gaston, Quasimodo, Sir Patrick Stewart, Salacious B. Crumb, and Ke Huy Quan reprising his role of Short Round but he’s wearing Indiana Jones’ hat.

I know the real movie won’t start like this but dang I’d love it if it did. There are a lot of scenes I want to see in Deadpool 3 which I know will never happen. Because I’m not a writer with Marvel Studios; I’m just a fan. But if I was one of Disney/Marvel’s screenwriters, here are a few other bits I’d include.

Peter Dinklage comes back as Bolivar Trask - the villain he played in 2014’s Days of Future Past. He’s lamenting how his sentinel project failed and wants to hire a mercenary to kill all the mutants. Deadpools shows up to take the job. After introductions, Deadpool tells Trask “You look like my friend Eitri. But you can’t be him, he was a giant.”

In another scene, Deadpool and Wolverine explore the X Mansion where they run into Bobby Drake, AKA Iceman played by Shawn Ashmore from Days of Future Past. When Iceman demonstrates his powers, Deadpool asks “Do you want to build a snowman?” Wolverine the grump answers “No.” Deadpool replies with singing “OK bye …”

Wolverine goes feral and destroys a building. Deadpool tells him “You’re stealing Wreck-It-Ralph’s job.”

Deadpool asks if Harrison Ford is going to show up throughout the movie. At one point, he asks “Which Ford are we going to see next? Han Solo, Doctor Jones, or the red hulk.” After knocking on a door, Calista Flockhart answers. Deadpool asks her if Harrison can come out and play. Flockhart says “He’s busy filming Air Force Two.”

If any of these scenes appear in the final version of Deadpool 3, I will be the giddiest fanboy in the theater. Reality is I’m not Professor X, Jean Grey, Emma Frost, Stryfe, or any other physic powered mutant so I can’t predict what jokes or songs or cameos will be in the real movie. I won’t riot if my wishes are unfulfilled. What I do want is bountiful Disney jokes. I want to hear jokes about the MCU’s inconsistent timeline and how the Netflix series were retconned to be cannon. I want to hear Deadpool criticize Marvel’s toxic fandom telling them to shut up when it comes to shows and movies featuring female superheroes. I want a rickroll. Even if I don’t get any of that, I just want the movie to be fun.

My version is not coming to theaters ever. But Disney’s version is set to be released in July and (if the rumors are true) the trailer will debut during the Super Bowl. Until then, we can only speculate what shenanigans the merc with a mouth will get into.

Image courtesy Marvel/Disney

Marvel’s Christmas Spectacular featuring ….

Ever since Marvel Studios acquired the rights to all of 20th Century Fox’s properties, MCU fans have been speculating how the X-Men will be introduced. Are they new? Have they always been here? Are they from an alternate universe?

Sure, Namor and Kamala Khan are both officially mutants which supports the ‘always been here’ theory. Scenes from Multiverse of Madness and The Marvels both feature mutants in other universes supporting the theory of alternate realities. Finally, there’s always a possibility of them being something new, created through experiments with the super soldier serum or gamma radiation. Rumors also suggest mutants will be brought into the MCU’s sacred timeline in next year’s Deadpool 3. But I have a suggestion.

Looking at the history of MCU, there have been historical war stories (Captain America: The First Avenger), psychological thrillers (Iron Man 3), political spy action (Captain America: The Winter Soldier), heist movies (Ant-Man), psychedelic trips (Doctor Strange), Kung-fu tales (Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings), space opera (Guardians of the Galaxy), and a melodrama (The Eternals). You know what’s missing? A Christmas movie. While there was the Guardian’s Christmas special, and Hawkeye was set during the holiday season, there isn’t a legit theatrically released Yuletide film.

There is a way for Marvel Studios to introduce mutants and the X-Men in a Christmas movie and it all hinges on this guy.

Image courtesy Marvel Comics

Yes, Santa Claus. In the comics, Santa is an omega level mutant - quite possibly the most powerful of all mutantkind.

Images courtesy Marvel Comics

Just imagine the money to be made with a Santa centric movie becoming an official part of MCU cannon. What if it could tie in previous properties while setting up the future of Marvel’s cinematic universe? Here is what I propose.

Begin in 1840’s London with an older man named Kristof entering a cathedral on Christmas Eve. After confession, he picks up a large red sack and walks to the orphanage to donate gifts to the kids. There he plays with kids of Norwegian, Egyptian, and Greek origins. The kids ask why he does what he does. He says “it’s to honor the memory of Saint Nikolas.” The Norwegian kid says Kris has the wisdom of Odin. The Egyptian kid says he has the determination of Khonshu. And the Greek kid says he has the compassion of Sersi. Kris asks if those are their gods When the kids confirm, Kris says “If you believe in them, then I believe in them too.”

When he leaves the orphanage, he’s attacked by a dark elf, while other dark elves (from Thor 2) assault the orphanage in search of the portal to the hidden realm seeking the aether. Kris fights back but there are too many elves to take on alone. Inside the kids pray to their gods. Outside Odin (from Thor), and Sersi (from The Eternals), arrive along with Khonshu's current avatar (from Moon Knight). Together the four are able to defeat the elves.

Unfortunately, Kris is wounded and dying. The gods thank Kris for his efforts. He explains it was done to honor St Nikolas. Sersi says “I knew Nikolas” and wishes to transform Kris into an icon worthy of Nikolas’s deeds. She gives him her empathy for humanity and her skill to manipulate matter through touch. Odin gives him his wisdom and regenerative powers. Khonshu gives him his strength and the ability to control time and space.

Immediately his wounds heal and Kris feels younger. Sersi tells him he now has the power to bring joy to the whole world, not just the kids of one orphanage. Sersi says she can be found at the Tower Museum if Kris ever has questions. Odin leaves with his chariot pulled by the flying goats. Khonshu releases his avatar who has no clue how he got there. After they’re gone, Kris laughs about the goats and says “That gives me an idea.”

To start his new life, Kris transports himself to Norway to find some reindeer. With a touch, he gives them power to fly. He then transforms a tree into an ornate sleigh. This begins a montage of Kris delivering presents around the world.

One hundred years later, Kris goes by the name Santa. He lands with his reindeer in a Canadian logging camp and is caught by a man named Logan (the future Wolverine). When Logan shakes hands with Santa, Logan’s DNA is altered. Logan is unaware of the changes but Santa knows, it is the first time he’s used this power on another person. Santa tells Logan he might be needed some day.

In Harvard dorm room during the 1980’s, Santa is discovered by a wheelchair bound college kid named Charles Xavier whose DNA is rewritten. Santa gives Charles the same message delivered to Logan. On the same trip he also meets a high school kid named Hank McCoy in Dundee Illinois, and elementary kids named Scott Summers in Anchorage Alaska and Jean Grey in New York. He does the same thing to them as Charles.

In the 90s he finds a young Monica Rambeau (from Captain Marvel), a German child in Witzeldorf named Kurt Wagner, an African kid in Nairobi named Ororo, and a Russian kid in Siberia named Piotr Rasputin. In 2012, after the battle of Manhattan, he encounters teens across the USA: Kitty Pryde, Anna Marie, Alison Blaire, Remy LeBeau, and Jubilation Lee. Just before the blip, Santa travels to Tokyo Japan, the Scottish Highlands, Montreal Canada, and all over America where he meets Hisako Ichiki, Rahne Sinclair, Jean-Paul Beaubier, Emma Frost, siblings Paige and Sam Guthrie, Tyrone Johnson, Tandy Bowen, and Everett Thomas. Everyone who interacts with Santa gets their DNA changed and told they might be needed some day.

Then the blip happens and Santa is dusted. Five years later Santa returns with Ironman’s snap and finds a world devastated without Santa Claus. Instead an inter-dimensional creature named Krampus has taken his place. Rather than bringing gifts to children, Krampus terrifies them, even kidnapping and enslaving kids during Santa’s absence. Santa challenges Krampus but Krampus kicks Santa’s ass. Santa spends the next year finding his team of reindeer and building up his strength.

Santa also searches for the people he’s recruited over the last hundred years and discovers the multiple snaps from Infinity War and End Game activated latent powers given to them when he changed their DNA. He begs for their help. Most of them decline but others agree to fight Krampus and his army of Schnukies.

The final battle begins on Christmas Eve. Charles Xavier uses his psychic powers to influence Krampus. Scott Summers fires optic blasts from his eyes and takes out several Schnukies. Jean Grey fights with telekinesis. Hank McCoy is blue and hairy and attacks the Schnukies with brutality. Logan is feral and rips his enemies apart with claws protruding from his fists. Hisako projects armor, Jubilation creates fireworks with her hands, and Rahne turns into a wolf.

At the end of the fight, a victorious Santa manipulates time so he can begin his journey around the world to deliver presents before Christmas morning.

Realizing they are not alone in possessing mutant powers Charles (now a professor), Hank, Scott, and Jean agree to establish a school for mutants to learn how to control their powers. They invited Logan to work with them but he says he’s rather be alone. Christmas morning, Santa uses the power Sersi gave him to transform a plot of land into a mansion which would become Professor Xavier’s school for gifted children. Xavier offers the younger mutants a place to live and they all accept. Santa and the newly formed X-Men share a holiday meal together where they promise to seek and assist all other mutants.

The post credit scene returns to the 1840s. Kris is at a friend’s house for tea. He recounts his interactions with Odin, Sersi, and Khonshu. At the end he says “They were like three ghosts of Christmas.” His friend replies “A ghost of Christmas past, a ghost of Christmas present, and a ghost of Christmas future.” He adds “You gave me an idea for a wonderful story.” As Kris leaves, his friend calls him Kristof Kringle and Kris thanks Charles Dickens for his hospitality.

Dear Disney, I’m available to join your writing team. Please hire me.

Uneducated Genius

My wife overheard our 14 year old’s half of a phone conversation with one of his friends. JJ was attempting to explain my level of nerdiness by saying “he writes school papers for fun.” While I’ve never thought of things from that perspective, it’s a fairly accurate depiction of my blogging. Each individual post could be an essay, some sort of self-imposed homework, as if I’ve been composing term papers over and over for nearly two decades.

The irony of my son’s description of me is how I was a terrible student. I was that kid who avoided homework but still managed to get high test scores. I was flunking daily work but an honor roll student in exams. My four attempts at post-secondary education were all hindered by a lack of money or a lack of time. If you complied all my credits together, I’d still be considered a college freshman.

Looking through my professional career it’s amazing how much I’ve accomplished without a bachelor’s degree, but it’s also easy to see how many opportunities I’ve missed for the same reason. I’ve had promotions given to less qualified people because they had college degrees. I’ve also been given responsibilities and job titles typically reserved for people who graduated with some sort of tech school or trade certification.

When I was in second grade, I scored high enough on IQ testing administered by my school to be considered one of the smartest kids in the district and entered an enhanced class for the future MENSA members of Marysville once a week. In fifth grade, I was falling behind in math, so they sent me into special education for an hour every day. Teachers didn’t know how to handle me. I was the first student in the history of the Marysville School District to be simultaneously enrolled in accelerated and remedial classes. At 18, I got my diploma with a GPA that placed me close to halfway between the worst and best students in my graduating class. As for college, it was the illogical logic of economics that broke me and ended my educational career.

I didn’t stop learning though. Even with no grades or deadlines compelling me, I still indulged in research. I educated myself as acts of entertainment and self preservation. I completed classes in Ancient Greek translation and comic book composition. I studied psychology, philosophy, religion, government, history, mythology, cryptozoology, geography, and a wide range of sciences from astronomy, to biochemistry, to quantum mechanics - all because I wanted to. I’ve read peer reviewed academic papers for fun. I’ve helped friends pass their college English and communication classes. My google history includes searches for the most flammable alcohols available in medieval times, the effects of sensory deprivation, string theory, a list of bodies found in peat bogs, and various other inquiries dooming me to an inevitable invitation to an NSA watchlist. I excel at both trivia and improv comedy. I’m a DJ, a farmer, and a licensed minister. I’ve even written a novel.

Sadly, the accumulation of my accomplishments mean absolutely nothing to corporate recruiters, hiring managers, and prospective employers. As for as they’re concerned, I’m the smartest idiot you’ll ever meet.

If you ever wondered what happened to gifted youngsters when they grew up, it’s me. I’m what happened to all of those brilliant young minds with unlimited potential. We grew up to be unremarkable middle aged burnouts with acute anxiety, undiagnosed ADHD, and prescriptions for depression and hypertension. We’ve forgotten our childhood dreams while encouraging our kids to aim for the stars. We never became better than this because we were constantly told we’re better than this. With countless possibilities in front of us, we ended up with none of the above. We’ve pondered the existence of an infinite number of universes where we became something incredible in all of them except this one. We’re not unhappy with the life we live, but it often seems the life we live is unhappy with us.

Autism has been a double edge sword for me. It is the reason I was a gifted child. It made me smarter than most, but it also made it difficult to keep up with my peers. It made me a bright young man who needed to apply myself more. It made me sociable while failing to understand social rules. It made me a polymath with such varied interests I could relate to almost anyone but also made me awkward with difficulties maintaining a conversation. It helped me know a little about everything but not everything about anything. I’ve learned enough about such a wide variety of different topics, I could easily complete a senior thesis in several fields of study. I am a jack of all majors but a masters degree of none.

This is who I am: a person who writes school stuff for fun. I am an uneducated genius. At least my teenaged son thinks I’m smart but in a nerdy way.


More to read:
My experience as a student
I was a peculiar kid
Dreams of another gifted child

Be Weird

Do you remember the first time you realized you were weird? I do.

It happened during the 1983/84 school year and I was four years old. My best friend in preschool was a kid named Marcus. While I thought I was friends with all of the kids in our class, Marcus was the only one who really treated me like I was his friend.

Show and tell was always a highlight - being able to see all the cool stuff other students brought. Their swag was always so much cooler than anything I had to share. Marcus proved it one week when he brought in the Millennium Falcon play-set. It was the big one that opened up and had space to stand action figures inside. It was so large he had to carry it with two hands.

photo courtesy Kenner

My mom and aunts took me to the theater for a Return of the Jedi showing the previous summer and I thought it was the best movie ever. I was obsessed with Wookiees, Ewoks, Sarlaccs, and Kowakian monkey-lizards (Salacious B. Crumb was my favorite character).

The most exciting Star Wars toy I owned was a speeder bike that exploded into four pieces when you pushed a button behind the seat. Then my best friend walked into our classroom with the most epic toy my young brain could have imagined. I was legitimately jealous. When it was his turn for show and tell that day, I spoke the word that Keanu popularized a decade and a half later. “Whoa.”

Was it really that awesome though? I thought so. And Marcus was proud of it. Unfortunatly, we were the only two students who had positive feelings about the Millennium Falcon. The other kids in our class were unimpressed. When our teachers asked if anyone had questions for Marcus, I was the only student to raise a hand. No one else cared. I watched Marcus deflate, his pride slowly evaporated.

These days, the same toy now sells for anywhere between $300 and $400. In hindsight, Marcus and I knew something about the magic of a galaxy from a long time ago and far far away. We were ahead of our time. Or rather, we were geeks out of place. Return of the Jedi might have been the most popular movie of 1983, but in our conservative evangelical ran preschool in our corner of suburbia, being a Star Wars fan made you a weirdo.

Marcus’ anticlimactic moment in the show and tell spotlight was the first time I realized I was weird. All our peers disapproved of his special interest except me. If he was weird for what he liked, then I was weird too.

Countless interactions with my church peers throughout my childhood and adolescence reconfirmed my oddities. I was the short kid, uncoordinated, and the last one picked in all of our competitive games. I was the theater geek, the quirky and socially awkward kid, the only one in church who read comic books. I was the lone fan of science fiction, fantasy, and horror. I was never elected into the leadership team even though I was one of the few kids who showed up to every event, entered every talent show, played every puding-through-the-nose game, attended every camp and retreat, and participated in every work and witness trip. By the time I graduated high school my role of the outcast was clear, I would never be a part of that inner circle.

Marcus was still around, as weird as always. But he was at peace with his weirdness. He found a way to lean into it and embrace it. He knew the cool kids in our youth group would never accept him, and he didn’t care. He and I walked away with his preschool show and tell defeat with different lessons. He was determined to never let the opinions of our church peers bother him again, while I desperately and fruitlessly sought their approval. It would take me another two decades to find the happiness in weirdness Marcus developed as a teenager.

Grandpa Budd’s funeral was last week. I watched online as Grandpa’s friends and my family entered with a pizazz rarely observed at such somber events. Many wore red clown noses, track suits were abundant, a few people walked into the sanctuary on stilts, and nearly everyone wore bright colors. After the funeral, they held a party with calisthenics and dancing. In the atmosphere of grief and loss, the room was filled with joy and energy. That’s the way Grandpa desired it. He wanted his family to be as loud and as fun as he was.

This is the side of my family who treated me to my first movie theater experience to see Return of the Jedi. This is the side of the family who taught me to enjoy Batman, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and The Matrix - but also "normal" things like travel and volleyball. Grandpa was an athlete and educator with an irrepressible thirst for knowledge and a goofy sense of humor. He gave me my passion for continuous learning and my insatiable wanderlust. He also gifted our whole family the freedom to be weird. Or as my cousin Wendy said, “Thanks Grandpa for being a total weirdo and ensuring that your family followed suit.”

photo courtesy my cousin Wendy

My life has been so much better since I learned the skills my friend Marcus and my Grandpa Budd had already mastered. Weirdness is an asset. My family has always been weird and it took me far too long to appreciate it. I’ve always been weird and I wish I gave myself permission to enjoy it sooner.

Be weird. It’s a beautiful thing to embrace your weirdness. If I have one mission in life, it’s to live out my God-given weirdo personality to help others find joy and peace in their own weirdish ways. To help you live weird.


More to read:

Marcus and Black Hole Sun
Marcus and cold weather
Remebering Grandma Budd

Good Will Through Older Eyes

In the fall of 1997, 18 year old me had this massive crush on a girl I met through church. She wasn’t one of the popular kids from our youth group, a trait we shared. She could have been if she wanted to but I think she didn’t want to be a part of that inner circle. An outsider by choice. We hung out a lot and she was flirtatious. She was one of the few girls at my church that didn’t treat me like I was a weirdo. Did I need a sign to know if she was into me? Maybe. The sign was lit up in neon lights with all arrows pointed at her. If I had asked her out on a date, she would have said yes.

If.

The question of our romance remains hypothetical. A really big if. Why? Because I never asked her out.

The reasons are many. I was young and stupid. Naive. I might have had the ego and invincible arrogance of any normal newly minted adult, but I also struggled with soul crushing insecurity - a malady that would grow into diagnosed depression and anxiety as I got older. While I was 99% sure she liked me and would be willing to date me, that 1% chance was holding me back.

What if I was wrong? What if she wasn’t flirting? What if that’s just her personality? What if there was no meaning to her giggles and hair twirls while she stared at me? What if there was no emotion to the times she touched my arm or placed her hand on my back? Like a criminal trial, there was reasonable doubt. I couldn’t find her guilty of infatuation so I couldn’t sentence her to my adoration.

Like I said, I was young. And dumb.

My best friend, Jeff and I worked at a record store at the time. When the girl mentioned needing a job, I suggested she come work with us. She applied and with a good recommendation from me, she was hired. I was twitter-pated. Now I could see those eyes gazing into my deepest being six days a week instead on once a week. I could have longer conversations and feel her lingering touch more often than I had ever expected. We worked well together, occasionally took lunch breaks in tandem. I’d drop by when I wasn’t scheduled to see if she was still there; anything for a little extra time in her presence. Yet I still never asked her out. This awkward reciprocal flirting and unrequited romantic tension went on for months.

After work on Friday, December 5th, 1997, Jeff and I opened the store. He and I were the only two people employees for the first few hours of our shift. There weren’t many customers visiting that morning, so we had a lot of time to chat and goof off. When he and I talked our conversations were deeply philosophical, even if immature. Our topics usually fell into one of three topics: God, girls, and geekery. After all, we were straight dudes trying to figure out our places in this world. As for the nerd talk, Jeff was the dude who got me into comic books back in junior high. We bonded in high school drama club. We were both fans of horror and science fiction. After graduation, he and I were practically brothers, going to concerts, movies, and poker night together nearly every weekend.

That Friday, the girls topic narrowed down to one girl. The girl. The one I had been enamored with for most of the previous six months. He wanted to know why I still hadn’t asked her out. Even he could see she wanted me to ask her on a date.

I told him I couldn’t. He said I was an amateur. I told him she was beautiful, smart, fun, and different than any girl I’d ever known. He said he’d ask her out for me if I didn’t do it. I balked. I explained she was too perfect and I didn’t want to ruin what I had. He smacked the back of my head and said “Maybe you’re perfect right now” and suggested it was me I didn’t want to ruin.

How do I remember the exact day and date that conversation transpired? Because it’s the day the movie Good Will Hunting was released. After Jeff and I clocked out from work, we drove to the theater in Lynnwood and watched it. That was common for us, catching the movies we were most excited to see on opening night. We did it with everything from The Matrix to The Big Lebowski to The Mask of Zorro.

In the movie, Will (Matt Damon) told his therapist Sean (Robin Williams) about a recent date with a girl he liked. Sean asked if they were going on another date and Will said he didn’t know because he hadn’t called her back. Sean called Will an amateur.

Then Will said “Don’t worry about me. I know what I’m doin’. Yeah, but this girl was, like, you know, beautiful. She’s smart. She’s fun. She’s different from most of the girls I’ve been with.” Sean urged him to call the girl. Will continued, “Why? So I can realize she’s not that smart? That she’s fuckin’ boring? You know, I mean, you don’t. This girl’s, like, fuckin’ perfect right now. I don’t wanna ruin that.”

Sean replied, “Maybe you’re perfect right now. Maybe you don’t wanna ruin that. But I think that’s a super philosophy, Will. That way, you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody.”

In the darkeness of the theater, Jeff and I turned our heads to look at each other. His expression matched mine. Jaw slack and wide eyed. Our earlier interaction matched the movie nearly word for word, just with less swearing. It’s as if Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were time travelers and they eavesdropped on our future discussion when writing this scene. We walked out of that theater questioning ourselves. “Did that really happen? Did we recreate the movie before even seeing in it? Was our life imitating art? And how could we recreate art with no prior knowledge of the art we copied?

The movie also made me cry. Seeing Matt Damon break down into tears as he and Robin Williams’ embrace at the end of the film is enough to melt the coldest heart. Good Will Hunting impacted me in other ways. Lines like “How do you like them apples” and “Go with the wrench” and “It’s not your fault” have become permanent parts of my vocabulary. As an autistic person I’ve always used song lyrics, movie dialog, and literary quotes as substitutes for original communication as a way of masking my social awkwardness. It’s called scripting.

It shouldn’t need said, but Good Will Hunting remains one of my favorite movies of all time. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched it.

My oldest son has been struggling lately as he is trying to figure out how to adult. After he got some discouraging news recently, I figured he and I needed a movie night. Something to help him feel better. A reminder that it’s not his fault. Naturally, I chose Good Will Hunting. He’s roughly the same age now as when I first saw the film: halfway between 18th and 19th birthdays. He is, like I was, going through transitions, trying to discover who he is and what he wants from life. Confident yet insecure. Opinionated yet confused.

Thankfully, he really liked the movie. I don’t think my ego would have survived if he said it was dumb. Then we talked for a bit. Thomas already knew about the girl and the saga of me never asking her out. I’ve told him the whole story before because it includes one of the few times I believe I audibly heard God speaking to me. When the movie was over, he asked me if I regretted not asking the girl out, much the same way Will asked Sean if he regretted meeting his wife. I told my son no. I have a lot of regrets, but not asking that girl on a date isn’t one of them. We talked about a couple other things and Thomas let me know he felt better after watching the movie. Mission accomplished.

Aside from getting my son’s impression on one of my cinematic favorites, I also had an unexpected observation about myself.

The first time I watched this movie, I identified so much with Will. Unlike him, I wasn’t abused or shuffled around different foster homes. I had parents who loved me. I was not as violent. I didn’t smoke, didn’t drink alcohol. But I was insecure and angry like Will Hunting. Both Will the character and Nic the kid were well above average intelligence failing to live up to our potentials. I saw him as a more delinquent version of me. Repeat viewings never changed the connection I felt to Matt Damon’s creation. But something different happened last night. For the first time, I related more to Robin Williams character. I felt more like the therapist Sean than the patient Will.

It’s not 1997 anymore. I still need to improve myself. But I’m not the lost, insecure, and directionless kid I once was.

During the same counseling session where Will and Sean talked about Will’s date and the possibility of more, Sean said “You're not perfect. And let me save you the suspense, this girl you met isn't either. The question is, whether or not you're perfect for each other.” I feel this in my soul these days. Annie and I both know we’re not perfect people, but we are perfect for each other.

When Will challenges Sean, the therapist replied, “I teach this shit, I didn't say I knew how to do it.” If there was a line from Good Will Hunting that resembles who I am today, that would be it.

Rise of the Sidekicks

As a straight white male, there are a few aspects of American life I will never experience.

I will never know what it’s like to be gay in America. I will never truly know what it is like to come out of the closet with your parents and closest friends. Even though I’ve observed friends of mine go through that process, I’ll never feel that same feeling of trepidation, the worry of rejection and loss mingled with the hope of acceptance.

I will never know what it’s like to be a woman in today’s culture. I know (statistically speaking) one in six American women have been the victim of rape or attempted rape – and the frequency of sexual assault is much higher, yet I’ll never be one of those statistics. I will never feel the shame or stress of being openly harassed in public. I’ll never fear the intentions behind the way dudes look at me in passing.

I will never know what it’s like to be a person of color in a white world. I have never watched TV without finding characters who shared my lack of melanin. No one has ever crossed the street to avoid coming into contact with me and I’ve never heard a driver lock their car doors when I walked by. I’ve never been stopped by the police because I resembled a suspect in a crime. And I’ve never worried that my interactions with a cop could be fatal for me.

image courtesy of USA Today

My friends who are not white, straight, or male have lived these through these troubles. Intellectually, I understand what they’re going through, however I only share their trials vicariously. There is no first hand experiences for me. I know what happens but I don’t know at the same time. I hear their stories, I grieve with them in times of hardship, yet I cannot fully comprehend what it like to be them without actually being them.

Racism is the America’s original sin. Our nation was built by slave labor and sharecroppers. At every moment of progress, there’s been someone wealthy and powerful pulling strings ensuring there will always be loopholes to legally exploit and disparage African Americans. Bigotry infects our culture - from explicit and obvious forms of hatred to subtle biases of which most are unaware.

Battling racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, and other forms of prejudice is an underdog’s fight. For generations, discriminatory language has been socially acceptable. Exposure is essential to overcoming the bonds of hatred. Unfortunately, those mired in their own bigotry are unlikely to befriend someone they hate based on bias.

A homophobic person isn’t giving an empathetic ear to a gay person describing anxiety over revealing their sexuality. A misogynist will dismiss a woman’s admission of feeling unsafe in the workplace. A white nationalist will laugh off a black person’s account of racial profiling. Bias deafens us to stories contrary to our world view.

If those with narrow world views won’t listen to a story from someone in the LGBT community, or a woman, or a person of color, who’s story will they accept? They’ll listen to a straight white dude.

At this point in history, honest stories are crucial. Black narratives have the power to influence a generation, change the tide of legislation, and instigate waves of legal reform. Recent events have awakened a righteous anger across white America, they’re finally recognizing something is unjust and needs to change. This isn’t a new feeling to my black friends. They have felt this injustice their entire lives. They’ve been urging change for years yet no one listened until now.

With eyes slowly opening to see the institutional problems in our criminal justice system, many are still uncomfortable with or dismissive of black voices. They see something wrong but are not ready to listen to those impacted by injustice. This is where I come in: your racist uncle might not listen to Killer Mike address the challenges of being black in America, but he’d listen to me. He’d listen to you sharing real stories of real lives affected by real pain.

However, this is where white allies need to be careful. It would be easy to take over the story and make it about us. “Look at us white folk fixing everything.” Doing so would turn us into a move trope come true: the white savior.

Movie tropes are storytelling devices common enough to become predictable. When used, movies follow a similar course of events. Like dudes walking away from explosions. Sure it looks cool but does the main character have to walk away triumphantly while something blows up in a giant fireball behind them? Or do damsels in distress always have to say “my hero” when rescued from peril. While we’re at it, why do damsels always have to be in distress?

Tropes are used because they’re familiar. They’re comfortable. They make writing easier. The white savior story found from animated classics to war dramas to sci-fi blockbusters. FernGully. Dances with Wolves. The Last Samurai. Avatar. In each of those stories, a white person begins as an oppressor for a native population. Then once they’ve immersed themselves in the minority culture, they turn against the invading forces of their fellow white men and save the locals from desolation.

This fate awaits white folk if we’re not careful. We could easily insert our white privilege into black stories to save them from our white oppression. Look at us, hail the conquering hero. It's a temptation we must resist.

We (white people) need to remember African Americans are the heroes of their story. From slavery, to sharecropping and segregation, through redlining and the drug war, into our current state of militarized police and racial profiling, our system has been set up to hinder the pursuit of the American dream for minorities. They suffered every plot twist and escalating tension in the story of these United States. This is their long dark night of the soul. They are the protagonist rising to face the villains of racism and bigotry. If we are to become their ally, we must not replace their role as hero.

Heroes need sidekicks. Batman had Robin. Captain America had Bucky Barnes. If life is a comic book, white people need to be the sidekick, there to support and elevate black heroes and not demote them to a footnote.

Share the stories from black people to those who won’t listen to black people, but don’t repeat them as if they’re your own. Crave justice but don’t take over someone else’s cause just to make yourself feel better. Use your privilege to elevate those who lack privilege. Support those fighting against impossible odds. And do all you can to make the fight easier for the hero.

You know, like a sidekick.