The Adjustment

This chapter of my life would make a good movie. Or maybe hire a camera crew to follow me around, create a reality TV show that would make a studio executive somewhere very rich. Call it Square Geek in a Round World. It's a true fish out of water story: a nerd from the suburbs tries to figure out life as a first-time farmer.

The one with the wild hair is Ringo.

Sure, I spend most of my work day in front of a computer. But at nights and on the weekends, I'm doing things I've never done before.

Like performing triage for a bunch of chickens rescued from an abusive and neglectful owner.
Like installing an electric fence.
Like riding a four-wheeler at sunset.
Like stacking a ton of hay.
Like picking up a warm egg seconds after it was laid.
Like watching a dozen deer run through the back yard.
Like milking a goat.
Like drinking fresh goat milk.
Like drinking fresh goat milk mixed with strawberry rum.
Like herding ducks out of the garage.
Like herding geese out of the garage.
Like herding chickens out of the garage.
Like learning we should keep the garage door closed.
Like loading a nervous horse into a trailer.
Like driving a truck.
Like driving a truck while towing a horse trailer.
Like driving a truck while towing a horse trailer containing a nervous horse.

I'm still a nerd though. I play video games and board games, read comic books and horror novels, watch movies, and binge my favorite Netflix series. I still do those things; I also drive t-posts and name our goats after musical instruments. Right now, there is a scratch on my left arm from a baby duck (GoGo) who likes to climb on me, and a scratch on my right wrist from a young Flemish giant rabbit (Flash) looking for food. There are scrapes and bruises on me for which I can't identify a cause. There is alfalfa inside my shoes and quite probably poop of some variety on the soles. Early mornings are now a way of life. I've used my pocket knife more in the last two months than I have ever used one in my entire life.

There is still room to grow and lots to learn. I can saddle a horse, but I still confuse the difference between a bridle and a halter. I know latigo is a thing, but I couldn't tell you what it is. Annie and I have a goal of riding the horses through a drive through, but we also need to spend more time taking them off our property first. Driving the truck forward with a trailer is easy, but I need to work on backing it up without jack-knifing. We have one pasture fenced in but need to do more. The hot tub needs fixed. I need to figure out how to put siding up on the barn's exterior. And I should practice milking the goat more.

The short one is Viola.

The country life also has benefits. The ridgeline to our west blocks out most of the light pollution from the city of Spokane so clear skies at night are filled with the expanse of stars. It's also fascinating to watch storms roll in over that ridge and nothing is more relaxing than watching the sun set behind it from our back porch while sipping on a homemade cocktail. Farm-fresh eggs make a delicious breakfast. Same with the fresh milk. Our corner of paradise is literally a scenic paradise. The sunrise chores, labor intensive projects, and upkeep of the house is exhausting, but I also sleep harder and more soundly than I have in years. Studies show the presence of animals is good for mental health and time in the nature eases symptoms of depression; I can provide empirical evidence to support those claims. Hearing our goats bleat, holding a baby turken, the flock of poultry and water fowl swarming around me when I feed them, one of the dogs using me as a pillow, seeing the look of happiness on my kids' faces after they trot on the horses; it all brings me joy. The work is getting easier. The last load of hay felt lighter than the one before it. I'm also losing weight at a faster rate than any other attempt I've made at dieting.

I'm falling in love with our rural life yet maintaining my nerd roots. It's a clash of cultures and a work in progress. Nothing ever goes right the first time, but we get it eventually. This story could make an entertaining movie or television special. So, if you know any producers, send them my way.