Even as a kid, I knew this claim was bull shit. The idea that Christian conversion was the key to happiness ignores how bad things can happen to anyone regardless of their religious beliefs. My non-Christian friends found ways to be happy without Jesus. The Venn diagram of things my church taught me and things God never said is a near perfect circle with the tenet of happiness being the ultimate goal being dead center. It is not one of the Ten Commandments but they treated it as if it was law.
As an individual with a melancholic disposition, on the autism spectrum, battling lifelong struggles with depression and anxiety, I have never had a comfortable relationship with the evangelical elevation of happiness. I was taught (and frequently reminded) any expression of sadness or anger was a display of sin. This only exacerbated my mental health issues and threadbare self-esteem.
Biblical study revealed nothing to support this twisted gospel. It has no historical practice in Christian tradition prior to modern evangelicalism and it has zero scriptural support. Variations of the word happy only appear 10 times in the ESV Bible, but joyful and its variants show up more than 400 times. Joy is a concept I appreciate because joy and sorrow can coexist. Even in my darkest days, I can find ways to dance with joy. Happiness though, it takes effort.
Don’t get me wrong, I am able to be happy if I try hard enough. I can even fake being happy at times. However, happiness is not a natural state of being. To be happy requires an emotionally draining level of concentration. If I lose my focus, I might not look or sound happy, even if I am. It’s exhausting. Your legs will feel tired after spending three hours running on a treadmill. An intense basketball game will leave players wheezing and drenched with sweat. Even the most well trained athletes experience fatigue after completing an Ironman triathlon. In a similar way, I feel happiness fatigue after making the effort to appear happy for sustained periods of time.
Does that mean I’m a grumpy asshole? No. Well, sometimes. Does it mean I want to be a grumpy asshole? Absolutely not. At the same time, I don’t want to worship at the altar of happiness. I have no desire to drown in a sea of empty platitudes. I want the church to be honest with the reality that happiness is fleeting, that Christians do not have exclusive rights to happiness, that loving God does not shield anyone from broken hearts and wounded spirits.
Happiness is nice but it’s not a virtue. Happiness is not godliness. Happiness is not God. I’m not always happy, yet I can still find joy in my unhappiness.
With all this in consideration something different happened today. This morning, while walking into work, I felt genuinely happy without purpose or intention. No mental or emotional strain, no faking it or intense focus required. Just natural endorphins firing through the proper synapses the way it should in a neurotypical brain. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this sort of bliss. So I smiled and accepted it for what it was: I am happy.
At least for now. I will savor my unprovoked happy until it fades, but I won’t cling to it. It was never meant to last. While some have bestowed happiness with demigod status, I refuse to bow to false idols.
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