Image courtesy Disney
We have observed Tinker Bell flying over this structure for the better part of the last century. Soon, there’s a movie coming from the house of mouse the younger version of me thought would never happen.
Image courtesy movieweb.com
Humor me for a moment.
You’re sitting in a darkened theater and the Marvel fanfare begins. You’ve watched enough MCU movies to know what’s coming. Flashing comic book pages followed by reddened clips of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes framing the inside edges of letters comprising the words Marvel Studios. However, instead of Chris Pratt, Chris Hemsworth, and Chris Evans populating the studio title card, it’s all images of Deadpool doing inappropriate things from his first two movies.
Next up is the Disney branding. This is where the Magic Kingdom comes in. However, instead of the home fit for Cinderella, the castle we all know and love is constructed with katanas, pistols, grenades, rocket launchers, sais, and knives. The sky is red, the river black. Replacing the old ship, there’s a food truck selling chimichangas. Instead of the orchestral version of “When You Wish Upon a Star” as the fanfare, you have Flava Flav singing the lyrics in the same passionate and slightly off key voice like when he sang the National Anthem. With the last line “come to you” you hear the snikt sound of Wolverine’s claws, then a second snikt, followed by a slash.
When the Disney fanfare is done, the camera zooms into and through the castle doors as if it was attached to a drone flown by Wade Wilson. Once inside the castle, the camera turns 180° to replay a clip from 2018’s Deadpool 2 where Wolverine is about to fight the weird Deadpool from 2009’s X-Men Origins. Through Logan’s claws, you watch the crappy Deadpool get shot in the head by the cool Deadpool. Deadpool steps out and says “Hey, it’s me, don’t scratch.”
This is all straight from the post credits scene of Deadpool 2. As soon as Wade says “Don’t scratch,” you hear a record scratch and the frame freezes. Over the motionless action from the previous movie, the new Deadpool’s narration begins.
“Remember when this happened? Ever since then, shit got weird. How weird? Glad you asked.”
Suddenly, new footage starts in a room full of Deadpools from different universes. One is wearing a Santa hat, one is dressed like Gwenpool (voiced by Blake Lively), one is a cartoon, there’s a dinosaur, and a kid. With the exception of Gwenpool and the kid, all of them are played by Ryan Reynolds. This collection of Deadpool variants are arguing about which Deadpool is the real Deadpool. One of them cracks, screaming “there can be only one” and kills all of them except Gwenpool. He tells Gwenpool, “Bye hon, I’ll see you when I’m done with filming.”
Breaking the fourth wall, Deadpool looks at the camera and says “I told them I was the real Deadpool.” He pauses and cocks his head to the side then continues. “Wait, what if I’m not the real Deadpool.” Wade looks around and kicks a couple corpses to see if any other Deadpools are still alive then faces the camera again. “Oh well, too late now. The last Deadpool puts on a pair of Mickey Mouse ears and leaves the room while whistling the dwarfs’ tune from Snow White: “Whistle While You Work.”
Title card. DEADPOOL 3 fills the screen. The opening credits sequence features a gratuitous amount of Deadpool twerking with the soundtrack playing Ying Yang Twins’ song “Whistle While You Twurk.” Deadpool twerks with Chewbacca, She-Hulk, Zachary Levi dressed like Flynn Rider, the emotions from Inside Out, Quorra from Tron, Will Smith’s Genie, Woody and Buzz, Domino and Cable, Ernesto de la Cruz, Loki, Olaf, Gaston, Quasimodo, Sir Patrick Stewart, Salacious B. Crumb, and Ke Huy Quan reprising his role of Short Round but he’s wearing Indiana Jones’ hat.
I know the real movie won’t start like this but dang I’d love it if it did. There are a lot of scenes I want to see in Deadpool 3 which I know will never happen. Because I’m not a writer with Marvel Studios; I’m just a fan. But if I was one of Disney/Marvel’s screenwriters, here are a few other bits I’d include.
Peter Dinklage comes back as Bolivar Trask - the villain he played in 2014’s Days of Future Past. He’s lamenting how his sentinel project failed and wants to hire a mercenary to kill all the mutants. Deadpools shows up to take the job. After introductions, Deadpool tells Trask “You look like my friend Eitri. But you can’t be him, he was a giant.”
In another scene, Deadpool and Wolverine explore the X Mansion where they run into Bobby Drake, AKA Iceman played by Shawn Ashmore from Days of Future Past. When Iceman demonstrates his powers, Deadpool asks “Do you want to build a snowman?” Wolverine the grump answers “No.” Deadpool replies with singing “OK bye …”
Wolverine goes feral and destroys a building. Deadpool tells him “You’re stealing Wreck-It-Ralph’s job.”
Deadpool asks if Harrison Ford is going to show up throughout the movie. At one point, he asks “Which Ford are we going to see next? Han Solo, Doctor Jones, or the red hulk.” After knocking on a door, Calista Flockhart answers. Deadpool asks her if Harrison can come out and play. Flockhart says “He’s busy filming Air Force Two.”
If any of these scenes appear in the final version of Deadpool 3, I will be the giddiest fanboy in the theater. Reality is I’m not Professor X, Jean Grey, Emma Frost, Stryfe, or any other physic powered mutant so I can’t predict what jokes or songs or cameos will be in the real movie. I won’t riot if my wishes are unfulfilled. What I do want is bountiful Disney jokes. I want to hear jokes about the MCU’s inconsistent timeline and how the Netflix series were retconned to be cannon. I want to hear Deadpool criticize Marvel’s toxic fandom telling them to shut up when it comes to shows and movies featuring female superheroes. I want a rickroll. Even if I don’t get any of that, I just want the movie to be fun.
My version is not coming to theaters ever. But Disney’s version is set to be released in July and (if the rumors are true) the trailer will debut during the Super Bowl. Until then, we can only speculate what shenanigans the merc with a mouth will get into.
You’re sitting in a darkened theater and the Marvel fanfare begins. You’ve watched enough MCU movies to know what’s coming. Flashing comic book pages followed by reddened clips of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes framing the inside edges of letters comprising the words Marvel Studios. However, instead of Chris Pratt, Chris Hemsworth, and Chris Evans populating the studio title card, it’s all images of Deadpool doing inappropriate things from his first two movies.
Next up is the Disney branding. This is where the Magic Kingdom comes in. However, instead of the home fit for Cinderella, the castle we all know and love is constructed with katanas, pistols, grenades, rocket launchers, sais, and knives. The sky is red, the river black. Replacing the old ship, there’s a food truck selling chimichangas. Instead of the orchestral version of “When You Wish Upon a Star” as the fanfare, you have Flava Flav singing the lyrics in the same passionate and slightly off key voice like when he sang the National Anthem. With the last line “come to you” you hear the snikt sound of Wolverine’s claws, then a second snikt, followed by a slash.
When the Disney fanfare is done, the camera zooms into and through the castle doors as if it was attached to a drone flown by Wade Wilson. Once inside the castle, the camera turns 180° to replay a clip from 2018’s Deadpool 2 where Wolverine is about to fight the weird Deadpool from 2009’s X-Men Origins. Through Logan’s claws, you watch the crappy Deadpool get shot in the head by the cool Deadpool. Deadpool steps out and says “Hey, it’s me, don’t scratch.”
Image courtesy Fox Marvel/Disney
This is all straight from the post credits scene of Deadpool 2. As soon as Wade says “Don’t scratch,” you hear a record scratch and the frame freezes. Over the motionless action from the previous movie, the new Deadpool’s narration begins.
“Remember when this happened? Ever since then, shit got weird. How weird? Glad you asked.”
Suddenly, new footage starts in a room full of Deadpools from different universes. One is wearing a Santa hat, one is dressed like Gwenpool (voiced by Blake Lively), one is a cartoon, there’s a dinosaur, and a kid. With the exception of Gwenpool and the kid, all of them are played by Ryan Reynolds. This collection of Deadpool variants are arguing about which Deadpool is the real Deadpool. One of them cracks, screaming “there can be only one” and kills all of them except Gwenpool. He tells Gwenpool, “Bye hon, I’ll see you when I’m done with filming.”
Breaking the fourth wall, Deadpool looks at the camera and says “I told them I was the real Deadpool.” He pauses and cocks his head to the side then continues. “Wait, what if I’m not the real Deadpool.” Wade looks around and kicks a couple corpses to see if any other Deadpools are still alive then faces the camera again. “Oh well, too late now. The last Deadpool puts on a pair of Mickey Mouse ears and leaves the room while whistling the dwarfs’ tune from Snow White: “Whistle While You Work.”
Title card. DEADPOOL 3 fills the screen. The opening credits sequence features a gratuitous amount of Deadpool twerking with the soundtrack playing Ying Yang Twins’ song “Whistle While You Twurk.” Deadpool twerks with Chewbacca, She-Hulk, Zachary Levi dressed like Flynn Rider, the emotions from Inside Out, Quorra from Tron, Will Smith’s Genie, Woody and Buzz, Domino and Cable, Ernesto de la Cruz, Loki, Olaf, Gaston, Quasimodo, Sir Patrick Stewart, Salacious B. Crumb, and Ke Huy Quan reprising his role of Short Round but he’s wearing Indiana Jones’ hat.
I know the real movie won’t start like this but dang I’d love it if it did. There are a lot of scenes I want to see in Deadpool 3 which I know will never happen. Because I’m not a writer with Marvel Studios; I’m just a fan. But if I was one of Disney/Marvel’s screenwriters, here are a few other bits I’d include.
Peter Dinklage comes back as Bolivar Trask - the villain he played in 2014’s Days of Future Past. He’s lamenting how his sentinel project failed and wants to hire a mercenary to kill all the mutants. Deadpools shows up to take the job. After introductions, Deadpool tells Trask “You look like my friend Eitri. But you can’t be him, he was a giant.”
In another scene, Deadpool and Wolverine explore the X Mansion where they run into Bobby Drake, AKA Iceman played by Shawn Ashmore from Days of Future Past. When Iceman demonstrates his powers, Deadpool asks “Do you want to build a snowman?” Wolverine the grump answers “No.” Deadpool replies with singing “OK bye …”
Wolverine goes feral and destroys a building. Deadpool tells him “You’re stealing Wreck-It-Ralph’s job.”
Deadpool asks if Harrison Ford is going to show up throughout the movie. At one point, he asks “Which Ford are we going to see next? Han Solo, Doctor Jones, or the red hulk.” After knocking on a door, Calista Flockhart answers. Deadpool asks her if Harrison can come out and play. Flockhart says “He’s busy filming Air Force Two.”
If any of these scenes appear in the final version of Deadpool 3, I will be the giddiest fanboy in the theater. Reality is I’m not Professor X, Jean Grey, Emma Frost, Stryfe, or any other physic powered mutant so I can’t predict what jokes or songs or cameos will be in the real movie. I won’t riot if my wishes are unfulfilled. What I do want is bountiful Disney jokes. I want to hear jokes about the MCU’s inconsistent timeline and how the Netflix series were retconned to be cannon. I want to hear Deadpool criticize Marvel’s toxic fandom telling them to shut up when it comes to shows and movies featuring female superheroes. I want a rickroll. Even if I don’t get any of that, I just want the movie to be fun.
My version is not coming to theaters ever. But Disney’s version is set to be released in July and (if the rumors are true) the trailer will debut during the Super Bowl. Until then, we can only speculate what shenanigans the merc with a mouth will get into.
Image courtesy Marvel/Disney
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