To Be President (On Paper)

The constitutional requirements for someone to become the President of the United States of American is embarrassingly sparse. Or at least, the qualifications to be eligible are few.

1. Must be at least 35 years old. Technically a 34 year old could campaign as long as they turn 35 before the inauguration.
2. Must be a natural born citizen of the USA. There’s been lots of arguments about what that means, and that’s a debate I do not wish to settle.
3. Must have been an American resident for at least 14 years. Suck it ex-pats.

That’s it. You gotta live here, be born here, and be 35 or older. With math and some rough estimations, that’s roughly 120 million Americans who are eligible to become president. Why don’t more people run? Well, from a humorist’s perspective, the only people who want to become president are the kinds of people who should never be president. Theory has it one must be pathologically narcissistic to run for president.

In reality though, money rules the USA. Only rich people can afford to run for president. That takes our estimated 120 million eligible natural born American residents over the age of 35 down to a list of 22 million millionaires. But 1% of millionaires are under 35, so some more calculations give us 21.7 million who meet the constitutional standards to be president and possess the capital to run for office.

Even money and meeting qualifications aren’t enough. You need to be accepted by a party and we all know there’s enough infighting in politics to exclude certain candidates from their own party’s primaries. Even if one is on the primary ballot, those candidates must appeal to the most extreme elements of their base to make it through to the general election. If we’ve learned anything from the 2016 and 2020 elections, overcrowded clown cars in the primaries tend to provide the worst possible candidates in the general election.

All things considered, from the wealth to the influence of the fringes - becoming president is not simple. However, I believe it’s too easy to qualify to be president. Being the right age, naturally born, and residing in America is not enough. Our guidelines should be a little more stringent. If I had it my way (which we all know I don’t) I would include a few more requirements for anyone to be eligible for the presidency.

1. Be a natural born citizen of the USA.
2. Reside in the USA for at least the previous 14 years.
3. Be 35 years of age or older.
4. Must have one election for either municipal, state, or federal position.
5. Cannot be the parent, child, spouse, or sibling of a previous President.
6. Can only run for President once unless running for reelection.

Just imagine how different our United States would be right now if we had these rules.

George W Bush would have never been President.
Hillary Clinton would not have been the DNC candidate in 2016.
Carly Fiorina would not have been in the GOP 2016 primary.
We wouldn’t have heard jokes about Low Energy Jeb.
Donald Trump would still be a reality TV star and polarizing celebrity instead of a former president facing multiple indictments.
Tom Steyer would not have been in the DNC 2020 primary.
There’d be no need for Chris Christie to withdraw from the 2024 race.
Vivek Ramaswamy would not have had a 2024 campaign to terminate.
Jill Stein would’t be currently running for the Green Party.
We would have had candidates of greater quality in the previous two and current elections.

How much better off would our nation be right now if the 2016 election was Marco Rubio or Ben Carson versus Bernie Sanders or Martin O’Malley? Where would we be if Pete Buttigieg or Andrew Yang won the nomination four years ago instead of Joe Biden.

Looking into the future, these three new requirements I propose would prevent Michelle Obama or Don Jr from running for president because they are the offspring of or married to a former president. Kamala Harris would be disqualified from running for President because she ran in 2020. As much as I like Cory Booker and John Kasich, neither of them would qualify to run for President because they were unsuccessful in their last attempts. No more Ron DeSantis or Beto O'Rourke or the national stage. We wouldn’t have any random rich dudes who got wealthy through pharmaceutical or tech startups decide they are smart enough to run the country. No more real estate moguls or CEOs who sold the SuperSonics to OKC thinking their wealth qualifies them to be the POTUS.

Theoretically speaking of course. What do I know? I’m just a dude who writes books and plays music for other people.