tidbits

Be Very Afraid

While on our way to church my youngest son asked, "What would happen if a zombie pushed someone into a bush?"

Either I'm the coolest parent ever, or I'm doing something horribly wrong.

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Third Time's a Charm

Bekah sent me to get her a McDonald's breakfast this morning. The conversation I had with the drive through order taker is as follows:

McD's girl: "Welcome to McDonald's please order whenever you're ready."
Me: "I'd like an Egg McMuffin meal with a large Dr Pepper."
McD's girl: "So that's a large Dr Pepper and two breakfast burritos."
Me: "No... Not burritos. An Egg McMuffin meal."
McD's girl: "I'm sorry. So I have two Egg McMuffin meals and a large Dr Pepper."
Me: "No! One Egg McMuffin meal with a large Dr Pepper."
McD's girl: "Oh..."

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Tangible Security

We had a security system installed this weekend, which is nice as it will give us a discount in our homeowner's insurance. Bekah will also appreciate a little peace of mind when I'm away for a business trip or a youth event.

But no piece of technology is perfect, which we discovered Tuesday night when a false alarm was tripped. No one was home at the time so we didn't yet know it was false. The police were dispatched to our property, got the keys from Bekah, and entered our home with guns drawn. JJ and Zu got to see the action first hand. Unfortunately, Christian and I were at karate practice and missed the adventure.

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Intangible Security

Our kids have struggled with emotional insecurity. Zu has attachment issues. Christian has Aspergers. JJ is, well, he's Bamm-Bamm. We've coped and managed and done our best to help our kids thrive. Despite our efforts, we had a child or two (and sometimes three) climb into our bed during the wee hours of most mornings. Zu would usually be awake when I left for work at 5:40am, and she would sometimes be joined by at least one of her brothers.

But there is something to be said for having your own space.

Since moving into the new house, all three kids have slept through the night. Not once have they crawled into bed with Bekah and me. And they have still been asleep every morning when I left for work.

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Silence

It gets very quiet in our new house. We've made the deliberate decision to forgo cable TV services so we've eliminated that source of background noise. We're no longer living in generational housing, so there's no sounds of the in-laws floating up from the basement.

Nothing. Just silence. It is going to take a while to get used to that.

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Fortunate Son

Me: "Christian, after dinner, what are you supposed to do?"
Christian: "Go take a shower."
Me: "Good, thank you."
Christian: "Dad, I got a fortune today."
Me: "From a fortune cookie?"
Christian: "Yes. It said I would have my best thought while in the shower this week."

When he got out of the shower, he told me that the fortune was true because he had the most amazing thought ever.

And so begins a new adventure

This is the first blog post written in our new house.

This is my first post published as a homeowner.

And this is the first time that I've written for this blog while soaking in a bath tub.

Why am I taking a bath? Because I spent the hottest part of the day moving furniture, appliances, and big heavy boxes. I got slimed by the washing machine's discharge hose. Twice. I am a sweaty dirty stinky boy.

Why am I not taking a shower? We remembered to buy a new shower curtain. However, we didn't think about getting a curtain rod. There is no curtain rod in our shower.

Did I mention that it's a cold bath? No? Looks like we'll be checking the functionality of our hot water heater tomorrow.

But now I'm going to put my phone down. It's time to get so fresh and so clean. Then to rest my muscles before I go back to work tomorrow morning.

How I found them

This is how I found JJ when I got out of bed this morning.

Sleeping prostrate across his momma. We call this sleeping position The Neck Warmer.

This is how I found Christian when I left my bedroom.

He read himself to sleep while stealing light from the hallway. We call this sleeping position The Reader.

This is how I found Zu when I got out to the living room.

Sometime during the night, she stripped off her footie pajamas and replaced them with Bekah's North Idaho College sweatshirt. She then relocated to the chair and a half. We call this sleeping position The Switch Up.

Prometheus

You can watch the trailer below and read my review HERE.

Be Brave

Those are two words I periodically see peppered in Carlos Whittaker's twitter feed: Be Brave.

Simple message really. A quirky command. Vaguely inspirational. Challenging but non-confrontational. However...

It's. Not. Easy.

I am not a brave man.

But then I saw a picture from People of the Second Chance. They frequently post over-stylized photography superimposed with uplifting or motivational missives on their facebook page - one of which (metaphorically speaking) reached out and slapped me. It has been renting space in my head since then.

Over a photo of a man walking toward the sunset through a field of grain is the quote: "I will be brave with my story so others can be brave with theirs."

I get the concept of bravery. Baz Luhrmann released a song during my senior year of high school that contained the advice, "Do one thing everyday that scares you." It makes sense that we should not be afraid of trying new things or facing our fear of heights or public speaking or clowns.

But being brave with my story? That's an entirely different idea. Not that I object to telling my tale. I like to talk and I have the tendency to over-share. I'm a story teller. I'm sentimental and nostalgic.

But I'm not brave. And I don't see much courage in telling my story.

Realistically, I think my history is dull. I had a boring childhood. Just a poor boy from a poor family. (bonus points if after reading that last sentence, a voice in your head sang, "Spare him his life from this monstrosity.")

This might just be my self deprecating sense of ego, but I've never considered my self to be special. Even if there is a glimmer of importance in my self-esteem - by no means would I ever consider my life to have been exciting.

Yet I couldn't get that one line out of my head. "Be brave with my story so others can be brave with theirs."

Now I've been given the opportunity to do just that, an invitation to be brave with my story. I'm at a loss though. I don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't want to offend.

I want to be brave. But it's not easy.

If the words of loswit and POTSC weren't enough to motivate me, I got one more kick in the gut this evening. While doing housework, I opened up iTunes and selected a playlist of songs that would be my soundtrack if my mundane life were ever to be turned into a movie. A half hour into the music, the song The Show Goes On by Lupe Fiasco came on and the third verse gave me just the catalyst I needed.

No matter what you been through, no matter what you into
No matter what you see when you look outside your window
Brown grass or green grass, picket fence or barbed wire
Never ever put them down you just lift your arms higher
Raise em till’ your arms tired - let em’ know you’re there
That you struggling and survivin’ that you gonna persevere

I'm here. I've struggled, I've survived, and I'm sure I'll struggle and survive some more.

So I can be brave. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

Pandora and the soundtrack to my work-day

iChat jabber neon held

That blog title is not just jibberish. It is an unfortunate byproduct of the iPhone's autocorrect feature.

Word of advice: When your wife texts you and asks you to pick up something from the store on your way home from work, don't try to speak German when texting her back. Apple does not recognize anything from the German language and will transliterate every word into an unintelligible mess that could only make sense to the late Steve Jobs.

Instead of saying you can't stop at the store because, "Ich habe kein Geld" you'll tell her "iChat jabber neon held." Then you'll be left trying to explain how your phone hates you and that you're really not on drugs.

Grey days

Over his head

Me: "Knock-knock."
Christian: "Who's there?"
Me: "Eat mop."
Christian: "Eat mop who."
Me: "You eat your poo?
Christian: (cackles like he just heard the funniest joke in the world)(pauses) "I don't get it."
Me: "It's OK, I'm glad you don't get it."
Christian: "Did you make that up?"
Me: "No."
Christian: "Who did?"
Me: "I don't know."
Christian: "Well, I know my sister didn't make up that joke. And I know it wasn't God."
Me: "That's right. God only made one joke, and that was the platypus."
Christian: (more laughing) "I don't get it."


*** I should be relieved that he doesn't yet understand poop and fart jokes. However, I am worried that he doesn't understand what's so funny about the platypus. ***

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's day. From a man who once picked dandelions and the father of a boy who still does.



Thank you to my wife, my mom, and my mother-in-law. Three women who know how to see love in a handful of weeds.

The Coeur d'Alene of yesteryear

Birthdays and movies, or something like it

It's May. So much is going on this month. Bekah is graduating with her AS degree. My boss is celebrating a birthday. I'm celebrating my birthday. And hopefully we get keys to our new house.

I've usually told Bekah (in birthdays past) that the only thing I want for my birthday is a night out at the movies. Sometimes this works - as in the case of The Italian Job in 2003 or X-Men: The Last Stand in 2006. But it doesn't always work, as is the case this year. Since we're buying a house, we're doing all we can to keep as much money as possible in our bank account so that we can look as good as possible before closing.

There is no room in the budget for trips to the movie theater.

So here are five movies coming out over the next few weeks that I really want to see and will probably have to wait until they're out in Redbox to do so.

* The Avengers: I'm a sucker for comic book adaptations. And this one looks like it's going to be better than it's predecessors - some of which I liked (the first Iron Man, Edward Norton's version of the Hulk) some of which I didn't (Thor, Eric Bana's version of the Hulk) and some which were just meh (Captain America). Opens today.

* Dark Shadows: How can you go wrong with a vampire that wakes up in the 70's after being buried for 200 years? Looks creepy, quirky and funny. And Alice Cooper has a cameo role. With the eccentric Tim Burton in the director's seat - this update on the 60's era soap opera looks like it will be a winner. Opens next Friday.

* Snow White and the Huntsman: I really want to hate this movie. I do. For so many reasons. Primarily, the idea that the movie wants us to believe (that one day Kristen Stewart will be more beautiful than Charlize Theron) is rather unbelievable. Yet despite my strong desire to loath this movie, every time I see a preview for it my resolve slips a little. I'm thrilled by the recent fairy tale revival (Mirror, Mirror; Once Upon a Time; Grimm) and The Huntsman is one more in a tradition that I hope to see continue. Opens June 1st.

* Rock of Ages: This has much in it's favor. Adapted from the Broadway production that originally starred Constantine Maroulis. A love story told through rock & roll. A hair metal soundtrack. And an all-star cast. Opens June 15th.

* Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter: Another entry in vampire fiction, but this one adds a historical twist. Filled with epic Civil War battles and human versus vampire fights, Vampire Hunter is teeming with excitement. The movie's twitter feed has been buzzing with a mix of real and fake Abe Lincoln quotes, movie hype, and patriotic fare that is equally genuine as it is parody. The book was fantastic and this film adaptation appears to be honoring the source material as faithfully as possible.

I feel like I'm missing out. On the other hand, my father-in-law is treating me out to see Cabin in the Woods tonight, so it's not all bad news.


****update****

Due to a certain new movie coming out this week, show times for Cabin in the Woods shrank to one matinee showing. So, we ended up going to see The Avengers. Which is good, because it was awesome.

The Switcheroo

When I woke up this morning, JJ was asleep on the couch in the living room and Zu was asleep in her bed.

I went into the bathroom to get ready for work.

When I emerged, Zu was awake on the couch in the living room and JJ was asleep in mamma's bed.

808

The music geek in me wishes they still made these.

Five kinds of Lazy

I've come to the conclusion that it isn't enough to call someone lazy. Just lazy, on it's own, is too general a description. Here are five more specific terms to describe what kind of lazy someone is. In case you're wondering, I have been plagued with each of these at some point in the past few weeks. It should also be noted that I meant to post this yesterday, but I went to bed instead.

1. The Sloth - This is the first and most obvious of all variations. In nature, the sloth is a slow moving animal. Religiously speaking, Sloth is one of the deadly sins - one that most recognize as the very definition of laziness. Yet, when delving into what it means to be lazy The Sloth is so much more than just a lazy person. Classical Christian thought defined slothfulness as a complete emotional or spiritual apathy, inactive physically or emotionally, or possessing some measure of carelessness. It is The Sloth who doesn’t act because they just don’t have any longing to do so. They lack interest or motivation. The purpose to act is lost and any actual action is done with minimal effort and attention.

2. The Procrastinator - There is that idiom, “Why put off until tomorrow what you could do today.” Procrastination states, “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow.” But a true Procrastinator says, “Why not put off today what I can also put off tomorrow?” Anything can be done later. Piers Steel, a Canadian psychologist, proved that sentiment with a scientific sounding formula: the expectation of success times the value of completion divided by the immediacy of the task times personal sensitivity to delay equals a person’s desire to complete the task. In other words - high expectations and low immediacy will probably result in the likely hood of delay. But more immediacy or greater sensitivity will prompt action. It’s all a fancy way of saying “I’m not going to do it until I absolutely have to.” In other words, not now.

3. The Shiny - The Shiny is all about distraction. The desire to act is eclipsed by Attention Deficit Diss… Oh, shiny watch. Is it new? It must be because did you hear about that father that covertly wired his son so that he could tape the kid’s teachers? They were berating him because he has Autism. And I can’t wait to see the new Avengers movie. It looks awesome like that new restaurant - Cafe Rio. They're delicious. The Shiny wants to make progress. But there are too many other things that are all far more interesting to actually complete anything.

4. The Glacier - On the surface, it looks like The Glacier is immobile. It looks like a do-nothing force. But they are moving, only at an almost imperceptible pace. Glaciers are also destructive; grinding rocks down to pebbles and carving out moraines, cirques, and tarns. Geologists will tell you that much of North America's landscapes were created by glaciers. When people are Glaciers, they might be capable of completing beautiful works or accomplishing great tasks. It will just take them a long time to do so.

5. The Obstructionist - This is the most obstinate of all lazy derivatives. The Obstructionist is willfully lazy. Action is not taken, not from a lack of desire, but a strong desire to not act. There are excuses, roadblocks, feigned ignorance, and occasional defiance. The Obstructionist is possibly the worst of all lazy types because the harder you push the more they resist.



ps: My wife would like to add that she's annoyed by my laziness and wants me to stop.