different kind of hero

Thanks to Regis and Kelly, the Guiness Book of World Records has a new world record. When I was younger these records fascinated me. Stuff like the longest baseball game in history, oldest living person, largest building under a single roof, fastest speed reached by a wheeled vehicle, tallest person ever, etc.

But as there years have past, the records have gotten more bizarre: largest collection of belly button lint, most piercing on a single person, longest time spent frozen in a block of ice, longest distance traveled on a pogo stick. It's the kind of stuff that normal people would never thing to try. Even slightly unbalanced persons (like myself) would never say "gee, I'm going to walk backwards the entire length of I-90 from Seattle to Boston." just to get into the Guiness book of world records. These newer records come from the imagination of some truly deranged lunatics.

Then there's this guy: Suresh Joachim. This dude holds 16 guiness records. 16! Holy cow! First thought... Cool, so did he like, circle the globe multiple times in a hot-air balloon? Did he successfully juggle 19 chainsaws? Did he climb the highest peak on each of the seven continents in a year?

No. He spent 69 hours and 48 minutes with his eyes glued to a plasma TV screen. Second thought... What?! That got him into the world records. I could do that. But then again, you have to be monitored. And since it was done as a part of Regis and Kelly's morning talk show, poor Suresh had to spend the nearly three days of television viewing trapped on a couch in a tiny room at WACB studios in New York. Worst part, he was only able to watch ABC programming, channel surfing not allowed. Never mind, I couldn't do it.

The funny thing is he beat the previous record of 50 hours 7 minutes. Third thought... You mean, someone else had set a record for watching TV!!! Are we really that bored and lazy that sitting on our duff for three straight days with the boob tube as our best pal sounds appealing?

But he does it for the kids, so I guess it's OK. His purpose is about as vague as it gets: to raise awareness of suffering children. Possibly children in some places don't have a television to help waste endless hours and rot their brains. The poor helpless children. These kids probably can't afford 100 strait hours bowling (another of Suresh's records) The cost of concessions and shoe rentals are atrocious at some bowling allies.

What other records does he hold? According to his website... Yes he has a website... The records are: 1. running for 1000 consecutive hours 2. balanced on one foot for 76 hours 40 minutes 3. traveled 225.44 consecutive km on an escalator 4. ran with a 4.5 kg brick in one hand for 126.675 km 5. 120 hour radio broadcast 6. 84 hour drumming marathon 7 & 8. 79 bridesmaids and 47 groomsmen at his wedding 9. longest bouquet 62.09 10. ran 100 km in 7 hrs 21 mns 40 secs on a treadmill 11. 100 miles on a treadmill 12. 257.88 km in 24 hours on treadmill 13. more running on treadmill 14. 100 hours dancing w/no sleep 15. played music w/a band for 42 hours 52 minutes 16. even more time on a treadmill. And finally 17. 100 hours strait 10 pin bowling.

This shmuck has no life. Oh yeah, I think he's married

No comments:

Post a Comment