Do you remember that song 'All I Need is a Miracle' by Mike + The Mechanics? No? You probably don't remember the band* but you would recognize the song. "All I need is a miracle, all I NEEEeed is you..." You know the one?
Don't you ever feel like that? That you just need a miracle? I'm there. I'm feeling like that Bowie/Queen song Under Pressure. It's pressing down on me.
Why is that? Life should be good right now. I have a beautiful wife. I have intelligent and imaginative kids who never cease to surprise me. I have a stable job that has been a blessing for the past six years. We're more financially secure now than we were a year ago (and possibly since before Bekah got sick). So why do I feel like these are the days it never rains but it pours?
It's probably because all I need is a miracle. Or at least I think I do. Because Christian has texture issues with his food, and it would make our lives manageable if for once he'd eat ground beef. Zu is an emotional mess and outbursts seem more like a routine act than an occasional fit. The Tank has severe speech delays and I can barely understand anything that bumbles from his mouth. JJ has more medical complications than I have time or energy to list here. And the challenges in my new position at work often seems insurmountable.
It would be a miracle if Christian would expand his dietary horizons. It would be a miracle for Zu to express her feelings without bursting into tears. It would be a miracle for The Tank to speak English. It would be a miracle if half of my job made sense. And perhaps the biggest miracle of all would be if JJ was home from the hospital and never had to go back.
Is that really the problem? Probably not. It could be that I'm making mountains out of specks of dust. And it could be that I have a lot on my shoulders. Do the burdens we bear define our lives?
You know the right answer to that question. If you ask me, I'd tell you the correct response. It's not what we're given but what we do with what we're given that makes the difference. We shouldn't let external circumstances dictate our internal lives. The answer is so easy, and yet I struggle living it out in the real world.
Because, in practice, complaining about our stature is far more effortless. Discontent is simpler than gratitude. The ugly is more apparent than the exquisite.
So if we're being honest, the weight we carry is not the source of our problems but how we see it. And it is hard. Because if I had it my way, I'd live off a diet of Taco Bell and video games, I'd get paid to do nothing at work, my kids would be obedient drones lacking personality and devoid of joy, and my wife would keep up with the laundry. Yet I would still find something that I could blame for my stress.
I wish I was the kind of person who always looked on the bright side of life. The kind who could take the lemons life dumps on us and make strawberry lemonade. The act of seeing beyond my natural inclinations is like a glutton declining free food. It's a fight to remind myself that I truly live a charmed existence.
Christian's texture issues prevent him from enjoying pizza, but at least he is healthy and active... and he likes carrots. Zu might have difficulties controlling her emotions, but she adores her daddy. The Tank speaks a foreign tongue that only he understands, but he provides comic relief like a toddler sized episode of The Office. The challenges in learning my new responsibilities at work are more than a difficult task; it is an opportunity play an important role in our company. And JJ's medical issues only show how much his life is miraculous.
This is one of those days where I feel like all I need is a miracle. Somebody, please remind me that I live in a house full of miracles.
* If you need to look up the song, I'd recommend Pandora internet radio. Don't youtube it. They weren't pretty in the '80s and they have not aged well.