The why and the how this started are unknown to me. It blindsided me and it’s affecting most aspects of my life. I don't want to wake up in the morning. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to enjoy the sunshine outside. I don't want to blog. I don't want to cook. I don't want to.... I still do all of those things (well most of them) but my reason to accomplish anything has more in common with what I must do rather than my own personal desires.
What I really want is to disappear.
It may be the summer heat. My body hates hot weather. It drains my energy and drives me to sit somewhere that is chilled with air conditioning.
It could be my job. The challenge of my new position has lost its degree of difficulty. It is more routine than anything else. And with 80% of the work I do is built on servers in our corporate office in Denver, I spend a large chunk of my day looking at this:
It could be that I'm finding less in life that inspires me. Which would be sad.
By the time I get home, eat dinner, and get the kids in bed, the last thing I have wanted to do was anything requiring any shred of creativity. And you may have noticed. The posts here have been limited to real life conversations with the kids and my fife for Friday posts. And I've missed the past two Five for Fridays. (I'll make it up - I promise. There is an epic one planned for this coming Friday.)
But it seems I may be snapping out of it. After spending Saturday afternoon at the beach and a couple of evening walks with the family, I'm starting to get a feel for the season. This is my sixth blog post in the past three days, so I'm starting to get back into the groove.
All that leaves me wondering. What inspires you? What motivates you?
I feel the same exact way! I m totally identify with the feeling. I know this 8 month baby belly that I have may have something to do with feeling drained; however I should be like everyone say "nesting" but I m not. Not feeling motivated really makes me sad. Have u tried taking a couple of days off from work? I have and it helped a lot. I firmly believe we should spend less time at work, I mean 8 hours at work out of a 24 hour day ( no counting sleeping, commuting to work, store runs, TV time, etc) is just a awful lot... but there is nothing to do, work is work and what can we do. I saw a group of people last July 4th in town, there were well not offence "hippies" cause u can tell the way they look ( nothing wrong w it) and I wonder myself I know they don't have a job and a "normal" life (normal as work-home-shores-sleep-work) but are they happy?? Are they motivated? They did look like. I don't know It's complicated I wish I had more time to finish my thoughts but guess what? I don't feel inspired :( cause I know tomorrow I have to be at work and I will be falling asleep in my desk cause it late already. .. buenas noches!
ReplyDeleteAlmost anything inspires me. A photograph, music, a chair, God; it all depends if I want to be inspired and decide if I want to act out my motivation. I'm often inspired, but not motivated, and then other times I have tons of motivation, but no inspiration. *sighs* The woes of the artist.
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