As I've been on my quest to regain my health, identity has been a recurring theme in my inner dialogues. I've spent much time pondering my identity, because if one thing is clear, I'm not who I was. I've mentioned many of these self-identifications introducing myself to the Start Experiment groups I joined, in stories I've told to pastors at my church, in my quick introduction in my small group, and in my attempts to refine the "about me" section that used to reside in the top right-hand corner of this blog.
I am a geek dad and a professional nerd. I am a pop-culture junkie driven to understand the intersection between faith and pop-culture. I am a joyful noise kind of singer (with an emphasis on noise), a sloppy and undisciplined guitarist, and a funky white boy with no sense of rhythm. I'm a former actor who still loves the theater, a former architecture student who still loves drafting and design, and a former graphic artist who has lost his touch. I have an artist's heart with very little artistic talent. I am a pessimistic optimist or an optimistic pessimist. I love being around people as much as I love being alone. I am somehow both shy and outgoing. I am a walking contradiction. I have a self-deprecating sense of humor. I'm chubby but skinnier than I used to be. I am a broken and deeply wounded man on a long and arduous path to healing. I am relearning what it means to be healthy. I aim for the high road but often miss it.
I am a child of God.
That last one is difficult for me. I believe it and I try to live it. But when it comes to defining who I am, God's child is toward the end of my list. I'm more likely to point out my flaws than I am to point toward God. I'm much like Jeremiah when he first met God - not really sure how to describe himself. Who am I? I am nothing.
I should know better. My faith is such an important part of my life. Yet, I let too many other things cloud my identity. Please, tell me I'm not alone.