No vehicle is more geriatric than a Lincoln Continental. I have never seen a Continental driven by any one under the age of sixty. Lincolns in general scream "look at me, I'm old."

(Dad, if you're reading this, please don't buy any vehicle made by Lincoln!)

The only thing that could be more geriatric than a Lincoln Continental is a Lincoln Continental with a bumper sticker that reads: My other car is a bingo bus.


Decorations: Prepared for any holiday

The various departments at my workplace have free reign to decorate their area with whichever holiday or season they choose. For some groups, this liberty works well; other groups display their unfamiliarity with the calendar.

Example: There are to departments that share a floor. The first department split their area in half. Their floor space is decorated in glittery foil shapes, streamers, and holiday appropriate messages: half red and pink hearts, half green clovers. That’s great. They’ve got their bases covered for Valentines Day (just passed) and St. Patrick’s Day (soon to come).

The other department has not been as successful in planning their decorations. Suspended from their ceilings are star shaped pinwheels, made of construction paper, and roughly fifteen inches across. The pinwheels are well crafted, but their color combinations puzzle me. First option: red, white, and green. Second option: orange, yellow, and green. If they are trying to maintain a festive atmosphere and help our employees recognize holidays, a calendar consultation might be warranted. As it is now, it appears they have forgotten that Christmas is nearly two months passed and Cinco de Mayo is not till… well, the 5th of May.


What "If"

Close your eyes and imagine for a moment... Wait, on second thought, don't close your eyes. If you do, you won't be able to continue reading.

So, just imagine with me. Picture yourself in the morning drive-through at McDonald's. A pleasant voiced McD's employee takes your order. Once ordered, she asks, "Is that everything?" Indeed it is; like me, you would be a much heavier man if you ordered much more than the usual pre-church Sunday morning grease with a side of hash browns.

She then prefaces your grand total with an interesting disclaimer: "If you order is correct, your total is..."

IF?! What do you mean IF? There should be no if in fast food. Now I'm sure she was innocently trying to direct my attention to the large electronic readout of my order where I could verify the accuracy of my order, but too many people have had too many orders turn out wrong for any fast food employee to say the words "If your order is correct."

After a statement like that, I almost expect the person at the second window to say, "Here's your bag of food. If your order is not correct, don't complain; you had your chance to make sure it was accurate."

Hmm. What would happen if we all lived by that rule of "IF?"