Fill in the blank

Fill in the missing word from each lyric...

1. We'll shake our bodies to keep it warm at night, my tambourine is still shaking, oh _____ tambourine
2. Whoa _____ Betty, she's from Birmingham, way down in Alabam'
3. But the world is _____ and hearts are cold, and there's no hope, that's what we're told
4. The deeper the blues the more I see _____
5. I have an American dream, but it involves _____ masks and gasoline
6. What's wrong has prospered too long, it's time to take it back now, write what's right upon walls and fade into the _____ground
7. _____ day in July, Motor city madness has touched the countryside
8. Falling in the _____, slipping through the cracks, falling to the depths can I ever go back
9. Scary john gets his strong arm on, he can break me and make me happy with his _____jack
10. And it won't be long 'til people flood the streets, to take you down one and all, a _____ rain is gonna fall
11. Turn me up, won't turn you away, spin, spin, spin the _____ circle
12. And the colors fade to _____, and the night is falling fast and deep into the sea
13. And it's true that the clouds just hung around like _____ Cadillacs outside a funeral.
14. I'm feeling like a _____ Republican
15. But deadly for twelve thousand years is carbon fourteen, we work the _____ seam together
16. I don't mind restrictions, or if you're _____ing out the friction
17. I'm going through a _____, hey Capricorn day
18. _____ orchid, why are you crying their fears, when the true reflection of you that they see is love besieged by years
19. Mind your manners or the _____ suits runnin' in
20. While I'm destined for the sky, Adonai is the target, still I can't escape the _____ market
21. Hiding himself away, watching all the memories fade away from red to _____
22. They call me white sinner, _____ martyr, live wire, fire starter
23. Because one day I leave you, a phantom to lead you in the summer to join the _____ parade
24. I wear the _____ for the poor and beaten down livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town
25. I'm only faking when I get it right, 'cause I fell on _____ days
26. If you can't respect that, you're whole perspective is whack, maybe you'll love me when I fade to _____
27. Let's have a _____ celebration tonight

Puzzled? Maybe these are easier.

28. _____bird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see
29. Oh, the pictures have all been washed in _____, tattooed everything
30. The fiction, the romance, and the Technicolor dreams of _____ and white people
31. Baby's _____ balloon makes her fly
32. From runways to the road, I ramble alone, this thumbnail sized of a heart is _____ as coal
33. Back in _____, I hit the sack
34. But if you're thinkin' about my baby it don't matter if you're _____ or white
35. Goin' back to the well gonna visit old friends, and feed my soul where the _____top ends
36. I came across a place in the middle of nowhere with a big _____ horse and a cherry tree
37. _____-hole sun, won't you come and wash away the rain
38. I see a red door and I want to paint it _____
39. You may watch the world in color, but you dream in _____ and white

If you haven't figured it out, they all have the same answer. Can you think of any I missed?


Life goes on

Sometimes, I really just need to hear this song. I hope it brightens your day.


Confusing your Readers: Bad Idea

In the world of contemporary Christian living literature, no name stands out quite like Max Lucado. Lucado's writing is simple, yet provocative; many of his books (he's written over 60 in the last 25 years) are nothing short of inspirational. He is the closest thing the Christian world has to Tony Robbins.

Yet, even the best can leave us wondering "what was he thinking."

In a recent book, Facing Your Giants, Lucado focuses on overcoming your most difficult challenges. I've enjoyed the book, but half way through I found one of the worst analogies I've ever read (or heard).

In reference to the living and active Word of God in Hebrews 4:12, Lucado writes, "The Bible is to God what a surgical glove is to the surgeon."

WHAT?!? Bible/God = gloves/surgeon? The Bible helps God keep blood off of his hands? The Bible reduces risk of infection when God performs surgery? I'm so confused.

Thankfully, Lucado offered an explanation. "He reaches through them to touch deep within you."

God, according to Lucado, reaches through his "surgical gloves" to touch us. So glad he cleared that up! Just for clarification, has anyone seen a doctor reach through a pair of surgical gloves? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of said gloves?

Oh well, at least the rest of the book is good.


Interesting, but it works

After what could perhaps be one of the most disappointing days in my professional life, an employee of mind offered this tidbit of encouragement.

"Nic, rumors fly around this place pretty quickly."

No, that wasn't his encouraging words. But what followed made me smile.

"Despite what I've heard, despite what anyone has said, you're doing a good job. You can't make a rock do back flips. It doesn't matter how good of a gymnastics teacher you are, you can't teach a rock to do a back flip."

Interesting analogy. But it works... right?

In other news, it is snowing. Two days ago, we were close to 80 degrees. Some call it typical North Idaho weather, I call it schizophrenia.


Answering life's ultimate questions (the answer is 42)

My friend Sarah posted a list of random questions on her blog that many of us have seen before. These questions have been circulated through e-mail for years and is now making it's rounds on MySpace. They are the so called "unanswerable" questions. I will now do my best to answer them.

Can you cry under water? Crying under water is possible... if you wear goggles.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? If you're important enough that everyone knows your name - then it's an assassination. If they mention your name on the news and people ask "who's that?" - it's murder.

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? You're thoughts are worth a penny. When you put in your two cents I keep the extra penny. It's my plan to get rich.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? I'm pretty sure we'll all be naked in Heaven. That's how we arrived on earth, I'm confident that's how we'll depart.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Have you ever tried to make a round box? Not worth the effort. But they are making square pizzas these days!

What disease did cured ham actually have? That questions is severely misleading. It assumes that the pig was sick. Cured ham was cured of living like a pig.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Space travel versus rolling luggage --- what sounds cooler? We beat the Russians to the moon - that's an accomplishment. Who put wheels on luggage first? Us, or the Russians? Who cares! Now, if it was self-propelled luggage... THAT would be cool.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two to three hours? I wake up every two to three hours... does that mean I sleep like a baby?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? It's called a signing.

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? There used to be a customer who frequently called DirecTV customer service, complaining about people inside her TV. She claimed that they were trying to kill her. I guess I'm trying to say that being on TV just makes more sense. If there is someone in your TV, you might need to see a mental health specialist.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Tall buildings... money... binoculars... It's all about perspective. That's why Google is using satellite technology to view our world. Some one paid a lot of money to be able to read your license plate from high earth orbit.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change when they're eventually going to see you naked? Because the only thing more humiliating than the doctor's examination is stripping first. Now turn your head and cough.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? I think the answer to this question is one of the great secrets women are hiding from us guys. Kind of like why women go to the restroom in groups.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? No matter how light the setting, left in long enough - anyone can burn toast.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? I care more about about the corn that Jimmy cracked than Fergie's humps. Her humps, her humps, her humps. Her lovely lady lumps. That didn't stop the Black Eyed Peas from writing a song about all that junk up in her trunk.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? Would you want to be the officer that pulls over a hearse carrying a corpse driving in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Every time the professor fixed the boat, their chances of escape was secretly sabotaged by one of the other castaways. Yet, he fears that he might have to start using a wheelchair again if he leaves the island.The island has strange thermodynamic and electromagnetic properties that the professor can not describe with science, so he has faith that the castaways were all brought to the island for a reason. The professor also found a mysterious hatch that fascinated him and distracted him from escaping the island, and it almost broke his sanity. Many people think he may have gone completely batty, because he has become ruthless and aggressive since being shot and left for dead. Now, the professor spends his time trying to discover his purpose while protecting Gilligan from the Others and outsiders whom he believes will kill everyone on the island. Oh, wait... wrong show.

If they're both dogs, why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? At one time, all dogs walked erect. But the forces of nature made it more beneficial for dogs to walk on all fours. Survival of the fittest reigns supreme. Pluto is a more highly evolved dog. Goofy's kind must adapt or they will become extinct.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? Wile E. Coyote like his toys. Why do people build their own house when they could just buy one? Wile E.'s obsession with ACME is the same concept. The joy is in the process - the pursuit.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? From the oily extract of Babiana Absinthifoili Multiradiata, AKA: Baby Flowers.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Of course morality comes from morons. They let us know what NOT to do. Remember, if you build a fool-proof device, they build a better fool. See my answer about burnt toast as an example.

Does the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Can Amazing Grace be sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island?

Why did you just try singing the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star? For the same reason you're humming the theme to Gilligan's Island.

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Could you imagine a baseball team called the Houston Hemorrhos? Not a pretty sight. Really, the astronomers who first dubbed the term "asteroid" had our best interests in mind.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Are you kidding? My dog tries to jump out the car window. One time, the only thing that saved poor Psuchen's life was his leash. And Psuchen doesn't mind it when you blow on his face; it tickles him. Then again, my dog is retarded, so my experiences may be a bit abnormal.

Well, there you have it Sarah. Everything you ever wanted to know (and some things you didn't).

***Bonus points for anyone who noticed the most cheeky pop culture references!***


If my mother had one vice...

... it would be Dr Pepper. And now it looks like that is a trait she'll get to share with her granddaughter.

Squishy finds Dr Pepper

Squishy Drinks Dr Pepper

Squishy like Dr Pepper!



Bekah has it figured out.

We went out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary. The restaurant delivered our dinner rolls; we cut them open to spread on some butter when Bekah made a discovery.

"See," she said, pointing at our bread, "this is what is wrong with our marriage."

I looked at my roll, and then at hers. I had split my roll into a top half and a bottom half. Bekah cut hers into two halves: a right side and a left side.


April snowing

It snowed this morning. This year, I'm not surprised. I was, however, surprised five years ago when it snowed on the morning of April 5th.

So, how the heck do I remember the it snowed in April five years ago? And more specifically, how am I so sure that it was April 5th that it snowed five years ago? Well, because it snowed the morning of my wedding. We were planning on taking our wedding pictures outside, but the weather wouldn't cooperate.

Yes, Bekah and I have been married for five years. Happy anniversary to us!

p.s. It was really cold on the night of April 4th five years ago. I remember that because the guys in my wedding party dragged me out into the hotel parking lot, hog-tied, blindfolded, and wearing nothing but my boxers to use me as water balloon target practice. Thanks guys! I'm sure you enjoyed my bachelor party more than I did.


the irony of it all

Seen on the corner of Ironwood & Northwest BLVD: The driver of an Subaru Outback had a Bumper-sticker announcing their patriotic allegiance. Underneath the Outback emblem, the Japanese made vehicle had a large red, white, & blue Sticker that said USA.

Overheard on KHTQ: Spokane's Rock 94.5 played a commercial pimping local artists. Actually, they weren't advertising local artists. They were advertising the fact that 94 1/2 plays local music (an act I have not been able to verify through personal listening experience). The commercial closes with the statement "and now for some local rock!"* The commercial was followed by the new single from (Kansas City band) Puddle of Mudd.

* and now for some local rock... or something like that. But there was emphasis on the word "ROCK." Every radio spot for Rock 94 1/2 is recorded by an angry Johnny Cash wannabe who always says ROCK in a constipated growl.


RE: my disdain of needles

This is why I hate needles.Bekah says this is the biggest bruise she's ever seen from an IV. And considering I had a bad experience before this incident, this does nothing to help put me at ease the next time I have to have blood drawn.