Antisocial Socialites and Lonely Loners

We have been taught there are two types of people in a variety of divergent options. One of the most common dualities is type A versus type B. Type A people are the outgoing folks, the talkers. Loud and sometimes obnoxious, friendly even if a little bossy, always the center of attention. Type B dudes are more bashful. They are shy and quiet, studious, laid back, and avoid the spotlight.

The A/B theory is an oversimplification of anthropology. As we have discovered more about human behavior, we have identified more than two types of personalities. We have learned how our character traits are fluid, giving us the ability to demonstrate different personas in different situations. We humans tend to change as we mature and as we gain education and life experiences. The scale between introversion and extroversion is a spectrum and many people do not fit at either end, instead the term ambivert would be a better label to describe them.

However, for the sake of simplicity, I am dividing humankind into the two basic and most widely understood forms: extroverts and introverts. One draws energy from crowds and being social while the other feels better and finds comfort in solitude. I narrow down the abundant variety of our existence into these two descriptions because I have observed two general reactions with the directives to stay home in response to the pandemic stressing people all around the world.

image courtesy of NPR

My most extroverted friends are the people who are most vocal about society’s need to self isolate and flatten the curve. They are knowledgeable on what the various international, federal, state, and local government officials are doing to minimize the impact of the coronavirus. They are checking updates from the CDC and watching daily briefings. They trust the science behind medical professionals’ recommendations and elected officials’ mandates. They are urging everyone to stay home, pleading with their friends and families to avoid going out in public. They thrive in social situations yet they are the biggest advocates for social distancing. It is as if they are saying, “I love you but keep away from me.”

The extroverts are the cheerleaders chanting, “Wash your hands, don’t touch your face, stay at home, isolate!”

My introverted friends are a more curious case. Common logic would assume they are perfectly suited for self isolation. All of the shelter in place orders should be easy for them because the government is only asking them to do what they are already inclined to do: be alone. Perhaps the first couple days of quarantine were utopic, but the allure faded. After a lifetime finding comfort in seclusion, they are struggling now when solitude is their only option. It is easier to be alone when you have the ability to go places and do things with other people. When that privilege is removed, the world crashes down, even for the most intentional loner.

The introverts are the crooners singing along with that Joni Mitchell song, “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone.”

It is a weird world we live in and the various quarantines, curfews, and shelter in place orders have only made it weirder. Up is down, down is out, and out is in. My socialite friends are growing antisocial, while the typical loners are feeling lonely. Everyone is trying to cope while the normal rules of society no longer apply and the results are contrary to logical expectations.

These distressed introverts are demonstrating a fact I have known for a long time yet have not seen proven in such a tangible method. The truth: we need each other. Humans are fundamentally social creatures. We are tribalistic and function best in the confines of a group. Whether we are talking about the immediate family unit, our neighborhoods and communities, large nations, or the global body of the human race, we are all in this together. Even while social distancing, no one is an island. I need you and you need me as long as we are both following CDC and WHO recommendations. If we are to make it through the COVID-19 pandemic with our sanity intact, we will do it together.

So stay home for me and I will stay home for you. Listen to the extroverts screaming at you to wash your hands and quit hoarding toilet paper. We have the blessing of technology allowing us to communicate with people from remote locations, use that gift to be sociable safely. We do not have to be in the same room to enjoy each other’s company. While you are at it, check on your introverted friends. There are a lot of lonely loners out there who would appreciate some human interaction.