I was 23 years old when I got married and this selection of music covers the next decade of my life. I got married, my oldest son was born, we adopted a couple kids, bought a house, and took vacations. For a while, I thought I was living the life of my dreams. After all, my conservative upbringing taught me that this is what I was supposed to do: grow up and start a family. What could go wrong?
The Verve: “Lucky Man”
“Happiness, more or less.” These opening words have been truer in my life than many other lyrics over the years. When I got married, I chose this song to represent who I was, and the life I lived up until that moment. It worked for me, after all, I felt like a lucky man. Years have passed, circumstances have changed. Happiness looks (more or less) a little different for me than most people. I’ve lived other lyrics from this song, wondering, “But how many corners do I have to turn? How many times do I have to learn?” Somehow, through all of the struggle, strife, and loss I still feel lucky – perhaps now more than ever.
Ben Folds: “Still Fighting It” and “Gracie”
I was never one for traditional lullabies. When I sang my kids to sleep, I selected normal songs for normal adults. Songs like “Hey Jude” or “Landslide” or “Mad World.” A pair of Ben Folds songs worked their way into the list of songs I sang while rocking my kids to slumber. First for Christian, was a song reminding us “Everybody knows it sucks to grow up.” I connected with Ben’s perspective of how everything changed the moment he picked up his son, understanding the difficulty of being human, and the promise to share those story over a couple beers twenty years from now. With Chloe, I sang her a song Ben wrote for his daughter – although, I swapped out the name Gracie in the lyrics for my daughter’s name, thankfully the two names rhyme. There’s a line in the song which felt as if Ben could have written the song about me and my girl, a line that could describe those precious moments many parents share with their kids: “You nodded off in my arms watching TV. I won't move you an inch even though my arm's asleep.”
Will Smith: “It’s All Good”
On Will Smith’s first solo album, he sampled Chic’s “Good Times” for a song celebrating the good life. It is exuberant and cheesy. There was a lot of struggle in my life. Raising a kid on the autism spectrum. Being a foster parent. Marital conflict. Still, I’d listen to this song and think it fit my status, “All sun, no rain, no strain, can't complain.” Conversely, there was a lot of rain and strain and I did complain. I was delusional. Yet if there was one line that did truly describe my predicament, it was Will’s musings about his son, “Mom, your wish came true, I got one just like me.” These days, I listen to this song more as an aspiration of where I want to be, “Hustle cause I wants to, not cause I have to,” and less of a way to feel how I’m currently living.
Sho Baraka: “Fathers, 2004”
In “Fathers, 2004” Sho Baraka provides the best description of what it feels like for me to be a dad. “I'm a lover, a provider, I'm a teacher, I'm a fighter, I know there's grace for me even when I'm wrong.” This song is the daddy anthem. Verse by verse, Sho gives advice, the kind I hope to instill in my kids. First for his son, “Pray without ceasing, but keep your eyes on the system. Always speak up for the weak until somebody listens.” Then for his daughter, “Baby girl don't be easily impressed. Stay clothed in righteousness cause it's harder to undress.” And finally for other dads, “Peace to all my fathers who are working through their flaws. Fulfilling their duties and they don't do it for applause. It's true, any fool with a tool can reproduce but a father is that dude that'll see it through.”
Staind: “Zoe Jane”
When Aaron Lewis sings “Sweet Zoe Jane, it’s easy for me to replace it with my girl’s name, “Sweet Chloe Lu.” However, despite being a song Lewis wrote for his daughter, the spirit of the song is one I have for all of my kids. “I wanna hold you, protect you from all of the things I've already endured. And I wanna show you all the things that this life has in store for you. And I'll always love you.” It’s an earnest and somber song, always reminding my how important my role is in raising my kids.
Family Of The Year: “Hero”
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a hero. The comic book superhero kind of hero. The type of hero everyone adores and celebrates. Then I had kids and my idea of heroism changed. I no longer wanted to be your hero, I wanted to be their hero. Then I heard a song saying “I don't wanna be a part of your parade.” I didn’t want fanfare or celebration, I just wanted to do my job and be a good dad.
No comments:
Post a Comment