a few things that scare me about toddlers... Specifically my toddler

1. The average energy output of a two year old is roughly equal to one atomic bomb

2. My son consistently eats more in one sitting than my wife. That's OK for now, but is frightening when looking at future grocery bills.

3. He is getting taller but is not gaining any weight. He still weighs the same as he did prior to the summer months.

4. Do you want to know what the most annoying sound in the world is? Come over to my house while we're trying to put Christian to bed.

5. I was a stubborn child. Bekah was a stubborn child. Christian inherited it from both of us. Here's how the math works: stubborn + stubborn = a force requiring patience of heroic proportions. Mules have nothing on Christian. Thankfully, I'm way bigger than he is.

6. Christian is a bully. I'm not sure how it happened. I never was a bully, so I'm not sure how to relate. If any of you were bullies in your youth, any advice would be appreciated.

7. Christian does not like toys. But he loves electrical wires, cell phones, and remote controls.

8. Feed milk products to lactose intolerant toddlers at your own risk. The end result is not pleasant. Trust me.

9. While thumbing through photos of my fathers childhood, I found a picture of my dad that looked exactly like Christian. Dear son, you're such a cute kid. I am sorry, but you will grow up to look just like me and grampa. Genetics is such a humbling thing.

10. Christian's idea of gently petting the dog is grabbing a leg or ear and pulling as hard as possible. He does this while saying "soft." We're trying to get him to be softer with animals. It might be time for a new tactic. Thankfully, Psuchen takes it like an invalid.

11. Christian's two favorite words are goggy (doggy) and biguck (big truck). Unfortunately the way he says truck sounds like a part of the human anatomy. Makes sense when you know what he's talking about and extremely helpful when he points at a big truck.

12. Bekah and I have managed to teach Christian how to say thuggin'. There really should be rules about who's allowed to procreate.

13. Christian can destroy his room in 1/4th the time that it takes to clean it up.

14. He is a very agreeably child. Ask him anything and he'll agree with you, even if he really doesn't. i.e. Are you hungry? He says "hungee" and nods his head but won't eat. Are you thirsty? "Terty" nods head but won't drink. Are you tired? "Ty-rrrrd" but he won't go to bed. Do you want to cuddle with daddy? "Cudzle" He nods his head but screams the instant I pick him up. This goes on for quite some time until I ask are you a purple elephant? "Elfint," he says while nodding. Finally, are you thuggin'? "THUGGIN'" at this point he grins like a fool and runs off to do whatever it is that toddlers do.

15. Life with a toddler is lived through little breaks between moments of chaos. Strangely, I can't imagine life without it.

16. My alarm clock is made of flesh and blood. He goes off about 6:00am every morning. There is no snooze button.

17. Problem solving is not a problem, especially when it is a problem he's not supposed to solve.

18. Honestly, I think he speaks Yiddish. Maybe Hebrew.

19. Christian acts his age. Unfortunately, he's two.

20. Christian has his own profile set up for Halo. Too bad he doesn't understand the controls.

21. He's a crazy miniature version of me, but I still love him. All I want is the best for him, even when he's acting like a toddler.

1 comment:

  1. Nic, I can totally relate. Two year old boys can be the sweetest creatures on Earth one moment, and the next they can act like little hyper maniacs. As much as I have to stick with the unpleasant realities of disciplining my two year old, all those butterfly and eskimo kisses, hugs, kissing boo-boo's, etc more than enough make up for it. Don't take this age for granted. Kyle is already two and a half, and it's bittersweet how he is getting to be such a big boy everyday. Christian is a total cutie pie, btw! :-)