the best of reality

9 times out of 10 I can't stand reality TV. It just annoys me. There's nothing real about Fear Factor, Survivor contains more drama than daytime soaps, there's something creepy about Big Brother, and (un) Real World seems scripted. The bachelor/Bachelorette is scraping the bottom of the gene pool. And I won't even mention crap like Elimidate and Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire.

To make matters worse, my wife is a reality TV junkie.

Until now the only reality show of any worth was The Amazing Race. There was minimal amounts of drama, results were based off luck and skill - not lying, broken promises, and conspiracy.

However the networks have dished up two new servings ripe for our tasting pleasure.

First up is Fire Me Please. The concept, two people compete at two different places of employment to see who can get fired from their first day on the job closest to 3:00pm but not after 3:00pm. The result, a bunch of people acting like they are insane, parading around like a prom queen, flirting with customers, and re-naming their coworkers. Generally being as annoying, bizarre, and lazy as possible to get fired. Classic moments include a girl (who played her crazy card fairly early) that was told she needed to stop whistling, she said it's an old habit and she doesn't realize she's doing it and started whistling again. A guy at a coffee shop insisted that the esspresso machine was of the devil and telling a coworker (who's in a rock band) that rock music is a tool in the devil's toolbox. Fire Me Please airs on CBS Tuesdays at 9:00pm.

Next is Beauty and the Geek, brainchild of Ashton Kutcher. (the slightly off kilter guy who brought us Punk'd and Dude Where's My Car) The show is advertised as an ultimate social experiment. Somehow, it works. The concept, a bunch of really smart nerds with no social skills and an equal amount of not too bright babes pair up as couples and compete. The guys have to teach academics and the girls have to teach social skills. The result, an entertaining mix of cultures, girls saying "they're so retarded, I need social interaction" and guys saying "they're so stupid, I need intelectual conversation." Classic moments include a mensa member saying he's getting dumber just listening to them after one of the girls tells the group about how excited she was when she got her first sunburn at age 8. The most spastic of the geeks won a dance contest for a routine reminiscent of Napolian Dynamite with epilepsy, and smeared dirt all over his face to display his "brown nosing" when his team faced possible elimination. And two of the girls couldn't figure out how to pop the hood of a car. Beauty and the Geek airs on WB Wednesdays at 8:00pm.

Reality is now a happier place, well maybe not happier, but definitely funnier.

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