If our marriage had a hobby, it would be using small animals or children as a go between for conversation or entertainment (possibly both). We've done it before with one of the dogs. Yesterday was Zu's turn.

Bekah was getting ready for a trip to the grocery store and Zu was prepared to ride along. She was dressed, hair done, pink and brown Airwalks laced up - ready to go. One thing was missing: Bekah insisted our daughter needed to wear socks. I was in the bedroom sorting socks at that moment, so Bekah sent Zu to me with a message.

"Daddy," she said, "Momma said I need socks."
"Go tell Momma she's crazy."

Zu pranced out of the bedroom and a moment later I heard the message delivered with more confidence than three year olds should embody. "Momma, you're crazy."

She returned with Bekah's next line, "I need socks."
"No you don't." I sent her to tell her mom.
She returned, "Yes I do."
"Ask your mommy why."
Seconds later, "Because it's cold out side."
"Tell Momma it's not that cold outside."
"But it's raining." Bekah's rebuttal give through the voice of our daughter. "My feet will get wet."

My next retort took two tries. Zu's first attempt was jumbled and incoherent. But she delivered it with perfect ease on the second try: "Momma, my ancestors didn't wear socks."

Bekah did her best to stifle laughter and sent Zu back to me with one final demand. "Go say, Daddy, you're racist." (in case you didn't know, Zu is 100% Native American)

Zu stomped into the bedroom, placed her fists on her hips and scowled at me.


When I saw Bekah's face on my phone's display early this morning, my first thought was something went wrong. The kids should have all been in school, and I was running though my mental check list of what disasters could have happened in the couple hours since I had left the house.

She only called to inform me that our youngest was a jester. Some time in the middle of the night, he had stripped off his pajamas and peeled away his diaper. When Bekah went into the kids room to wake JJ this morning, she found him laying in his bed, spread eagle, and bare naked.

At least he was comfortable.


Christian and Bekah were talking about our family this afternoon when Christian asked when he would get to see his cousins. Bekah explained that they all lived far away and that it was expensive to travel. She told him that we didn't have the money now to fly out and see the rest of the family.

"How much?" He asked.
Bekah looked up airline prices and gave him an answer, "It would cost a thousand dollars."
"I know where we could get a thousand dollars," Christian said.
Curious, Bekah asked, "Where?"
"We could go on Wipeout." Christian flashed a proud smile.
"Oh, baby, we'd have to win. We don't get the money for being on the show."
"We could do it, Momma," he said. "It's easy. I watched one guy and he almost didn't fall at all. And I know how to do the sucker punch. I wouldn't fall off. I could do it. I'm not sure about the big balls though."

Christian's favorite TV show is Wipeout. I'm not sure if this is my greatest success as a parent, or my biggest failure. If you have no idea what Christian is talking about, CLICK HERE and watch some of the videos. You will either be enlightened, or lose a couple of IQ points.


  1. Bwahahahahaha...cough...

    You shouldn't make me laugh so hard when I'm sick.

  2. That's my mission in life: to complicate cold and flu symptoms with random moments of absurdity.